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| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Elrin |
Posted - 01/01/2006 : 02:07:08 AM
Hi there!
I'm a new member here, although not entirely new to nudity. I do have two issues I'd like to ask advice about. One is getting my wife to join in, and the other is what to do with kids.
I am a casual at home nudist, and have participated in some nude group-events (beach, scuba, skinnydipping, etc.) before I got married. My wife knows I like being naked, and accepts it as part of who I am. Both of us sometimes spend some time nude at home in summer, although I do it a lot more than her. I always sleep nude, although she only does so in the warm summertime (practical, so no problem).
Considering the fact that my wife grew up in a culture very different to my own (maybe better not to say which), where nudity is an absolute and utter no-no, this is quite encouraging.
She is however, absolutely horrified at the thought of public nudity, and also worries about showing some old scars on her body. Where she grew up, you'd probably be tarred, feathered, and burned for doing that. I would like us to go to some nudist resorts, holiday destinations or local events, but do not quite know how to get her to feel comfortable about it! From her personality, giving her a pamphlet to read is not going to help much. Any advice on helping her overcome this barrier?
Secondly, we are currently planning on starting a family as well. She often says "You'll have to start wearing clothes when you sleep". Also, of course, never be nude in front of the kids either. Somehow, I can't think that's quite right. How does one find a balance between teaching kids from an early age that nakedness is natural, and accepted social values that will make them fit in and function well in society? (As both are IMHO important)
Thank you for your time reading my (dragged out) introductory post and questions! |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Elrin |
Posted - 01/03/2006 : 01:52:29 AM
Thanks for all the advice! Especially about the beaches and unregulated lewd behaviour! That would probably undo years of gentle persuasion in an instant.
It seems sadly that a lot of women (in all cultures no less) are sadly under-appreciating their own beauty. My wife is no exception. Many women are convinced that they does not conform to the strict rules of magazine beauty, and sadly that is not the only kind of beauty there is. I'd say my wife would rate better than perhaps 70% of people her age out there, but that's still 30% down from the "rules". Sad, but true. Perhaps it is a female trait to doubt their own body and lack self confidence, or perhaps it is due to pressures and paradigms from the society they grow up in - or both.
I think it is sad that so many people are afraid of other people's prescribed rules of acceptable appearance.
And yes - being in a marriage with some-one from a very different culture is certainly not dull.  In fact, since both of us are at least a bit adventurous and like to try out new things, it broadens both our horizons greatly. We both learn a lot from each other as we see how the other person's culture do something better or worse. The key is understanding and tolerance.
As far as getting her to enjoy nudity - If she does not take to public nudity - so be it. At least she does it at home occasionally. Luckily my own desire is not so much for social nudity for social nudity's sake, but to be able to spend time with other likeminded people and friends, and if so inclined, can join in when nudity happens. Where I grew up, we often did not go to a place for the purpose of being nude, but went camping, diving, climbing, hiking or whatever as the main purpose. When nudity happened to be thrown in as a part of it, it happened naturally and everybody took it as part of the fun between a group of good friends.
It is this relaxed and openminded atmosphere that I would like to show her and get her to experience the good times to be had when everybody can trust each other and just plainly have fun unrestricted by the falseness of clothes.
I tell her the stories of these times, and she usually laughs. "Like children", she says. Maybe she thinks of it as my "wild past" and my "weird friends" back home. She tells me she'd want to meet them one day, although she'd be a bit apprehensive about them perhaps being a bit "too weird"... Heehee... I'm hoping she has some kernel of desire to throw away the worries of the world for a weekend and just relax and have fun.
But enough of my extended and long ramblings... Time for some pre-work! |
| NudeAl |
Posted - 01/02/2006 : 2:07:48 PM
Elrin,
As you peruse these pages you will see that your problem is a common one. In most societies women have been brain washed into thinking that they're bodies are indecent or not quite thin enough or beautiful enough etc. So combine that with her cultural sensibilities and you may have your work cut out for you. I would suggest more home nudity to sort of get her used to the idea. Do some more research check out the AANR web site and The Naturist Society web site order a few books or even a well done video on the subject. Screen it first since there are some out there that pretend to be about nudism but are not it you think she will like what she sees show it to her. Does she use the computer much? Email her a link to a particularly good web site and set her take a look at it. I cannot over state this though, use a lot of patience and understanding. She may have a real sense of betrayal for your even bringing up the subject of social nudity especially if nothing in her culture has prepared her for it. She may associate nudity with sex or the intimate relationship between a husband and wife. So be careful how you introduce the subject and be sure to emphasize it isn't about sex. Even so she will likely have serious doubts and you will have to take things slow very slow. I would definitely recommend going to a clothing optional place first but a beach can be dicey as they are often unregulated, inappropriate behavior. A better choice may be a clothing optional resort. Many nice small Bed and breakfasts in some parts of the world are clothing optional and that may be the sort of place that lets her feel safe enough to go with you. Though don't insist that she remove any clothing. She will do that or not depending on how she feels. I'm rambling on now but take a look around this site and others to get a few more ideas. Good luck
"The best dress for walking is nakedness." Colin Fletcher |
| NaturistDoc |
Posted - 01/02/2006 : 12:41:44 PM
Elrin,
Talk about your clash of cultures! I'm in total agreement with the notion that patience is the key, but I would add that you need to be prepared to fail and accept defeat gracefully. You knew her cultural background when you married her, and I doubt you were naive enough to expect her to become completely "Westernized" overnight, if ever. (Even most Westerners aren't all that comfortable with public nudity.) I also doubt that your main reason for marrying her was to have someone to accompany you to nudist events. As I've said elsewhere on this forum, you have to pick your battles. While nudity may be no big deal to you or to me, it is clearly very disturbing to your wife, and it may not be possible for her to set aside generations of acculturation. She may never become a nudist, and it's vital that you can deal with that possibility and be OK with it. Nudism can be wonderful, but it's a very small part of the Big Picture. It would be truly sad if it became a source of conflict. |
| Nudony |
Posted - 01/02/2006 : 10:29:49 AM
My wife felt the same way initially. I overcame that hurdle by convincing her to go with me to a resort, on a weekday morning when I knew there wouldn't be too many people and she wouldn't have to go nude. She felt safe enough to repeat the experience a little while later; and that time she was able to observe nude parents and children interacting, dispelling her concerns about being nude around one's children. No pamphlet or book or movie can measure up to the actual experience of witnessing families enjoying social nudity.
So work on trying to get her to accompany you to a resort. This may require patience and a good deal of negotiating. On a weekday in the springtime or fall, attendance at a resort is fairly slow, so that is usually the best bet to make the experience as stress-free as possible for her. And at a C/O resort, she wouldn't be pressured to undress. |
| Elrin |
Posted - 01/02/2006 : 03:28:08 AM
I'll try that! Luckily I am currently enrolled for my masters degree, so I could try the library... Might be strange for e Computer Science graduate to ask for those kinds of papers, but hey - it's all in a good cause...
I think I'll also try aiming for the "right" kind of beaches and let her see for herself. That's still a while off, since it's winter up here in Northern Canada, and the sea is far off anyways... 
We might probably soon also go on an around-the-world tour though surprisingly cheap - maybe I should investigate some CO places/beaches to stop over on our way.
Thanks again for the advice everyone! |
| old hippie |
Posted - 01/02/2006 : 02:37:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Elrin
Hi there!
I'm a new member here, although not entirely new to nudity. I do have two issues I'd like to ask advice about. One is getting my wife to join in, and the other is what to do with kids.
I am a casual at home nudist, and have participated in some nude group-events (beach, scuba, skinnydipping, etc.) before I got married. My wife knows I like being naked, and accepts it as part of who I am. Both of us sometimes spend some time nude at home in summer, although I do it a lot more than her. I always sleep nude, although she only does so in the warm summertime (practical, so no problem).
Considering the fact that my wife grew up in a culture very different to my own (maybe better not to say which), where nudity is an absolute and utter no-no, this is quite encouraging.
She is however, absolutely horrified at the thought of public nudity, and also worries about showing some old scars on her body. Where she grew up, you'd probably be tarred, feathered, and burned for doing that. I would like us to go to some nudist resorts, holiday destinations or local events, but do not quite know how to get her to feel comfortable about it! From her personality, giving her a pamphlet to read is not going to help much. Any advice on helping her overcome this barrier?
Secondly, we are currently planning on starting a family as well. She often says "You'll have to start wearing clothes when you sleep". Also, of course, never be nude in front of the kids either. Somehow, I can't think that's quite right. How does one find a balance between teaching kids from an early age that nakedness is natural, and accepted social values that will make them fit in and function well in society? (As both are IMHO important)
Thank you for your time reading my (dragged out) introductory post and questions!
Hi Elrin, and welcome!
- As usual, Cheri is first and best with advice for putting someone at ease. She is very knowlegable on the topic.
- I would like to add that you could visit most nude or clothing optional beaches while remaining clothed yourselves, in order to give your wife an opportunity to see that many people will enjoy the comfort and freedom of swimming or relaxing nude without concern for bodily imperfections. I have seen some doozy scars, and a wide variety of bodies, and all at ease on the beach. It was this personal observation that led my wife to be comfortable being nude on the beach, after many attempts to persuade her had been unsuccessful. Direct experience may be more convincing than any argument a husband can put forth. This may be all the more true when dealing with a deep-rooted cultural position.
. Good luck, and remember again that patience and true concern are the best persuaders.
Dum vivimus, vivamus! |
| Cheri |
Posted - 01/01/2006 : 11:11:12 PM
Possibly a university library in your area might have one or two. You might also go to the Journals' websites.
Regards, Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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| Elrin |
Posted - 01/01/2006 : 9:29:45 PM
Thank you Cheri for your advice. Although my wife is not a native English speaker and I'm not sure she'll have the courage to read through your very eloquent arguments in the brochure, it's worth a try! Luckily I am a patient person, so I have time on my side...
Thank you also for the articles! It is exactly what I need. However, I searched for them (using Google Scholar) and could find only one via PubMed.org, and the fulltext was not available. Do you perhaps have links or sources where I could find these to read? |
| Cheri |
Posted - 01/01/2006 : 11:31:10 AM
I put together a brochure for reluctant partners that can be found online at - /cheri.html - print it out and leave it where she'll see it. DON'T just hand it to her. When you're sure she's seen it, offer a compromise. In exchange for an hr. of her time at a local nudist park, offer her something she'd really like: you cooking for her, you taking her out to a special restaurant, her choice of tv show or movie, something in your budget. Let her know that if for any reason she's uncomfortable, you'll gladly leave with her. Keep reminding her how lovely she is.
Nudism is not for everyone, be PATIENT, be patient, be patient.
You might print out what I've written below my name for her to read as well.
Regarding children...here are some studies:
Marilyn Story, in the Journal of Psychology, Vol. 118, first Half, Sept. 1984 "Comparisons of Body Self-Concept between Social Nudists & Nonnudists"
Marilyn Story, in Jour. of Social Psychology, 1979, 108, 49-56 "Factors Associated w/More Positive Body Self-Concepts in Preschool children"
Robin Lewis & Louis Janda, in The Relationship Between Adult Sexual Adjustment & Childhood Experiences Regarding Exposure to Nudity, Sleeping in the Parental Bed, &Parental Attitudes Toward Sexuality, Arch. of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 17, No.4, 1988
Marilyn Story in "A Comparison of Social Nudists & Non-nudists on Experience w/Various Sexual Outlets" Journ. of Sex Research, Vol. 23, No. 2, pp 197-211, May 1987
Mary S. Calderone, M.D., in "The Family Book About Sexuality," states: " ... with very young children accustomed from the beginning to nudity in themselves and their parents, a great deal is taken for granted, and it doesn't seem to be much of an issue to them. What nudity does is make it
easy for children to become absolutely certain about just how men and women are made. This knowledge is of great importance in assuring the child of his or her own correct gender. The differences in body states and sizes - and in body organs - can then be taken for granted and will provide an accurate image of how they themselves, or the opposite sex, will look when grown up. Children whose parents feel at ease in such natural events as stepping out of the shower, toweling, and walking back to their room to dress are fortunate."
A suggested book is GROWING UP WITHOUT SHAME by Dennis Craig Smith, ISBN 1-55599-001-0
I wish you well.
Cheri
==========
The word naturism is the same as nudism and is about accepting yourself and others for who you are and not for what you look like, own, or wear. It definitely builds self-esteem. It's about de-stressing, relaxation, and less laundry. The body is just the vessel for the person.
Nudism is the great human equalizer with people of all ages, from infancy to over 70, communicating on the same level with no one judging others because of their ability or the lack of it to buy the latest fashion styles.
Nudism was rediscovered in Europe at the end of the 19th century when doctors prescribed sun baths as an antidote to the over-industrialization that was taking place.
Nudism is different things to different people and nudists are as varied as the people around you.
We are doctors, lawyers, business men and women, kitchen workers, state employees, mothers, fathers, teens, infants, grandparents, your friends, your neighbors.
To me it's like recharging my personal batteries as I sit on my private porch overlooking our property with my morning cup of coffee enjoying nature around me, the birds chirping, the plants
and trees waving in the breezes.
When you disrobe, you shed aggression, tension, and anxiety.
You know how great it feels after a difficult day and you take off your shoes? That's how the rest of you feels when you disrobe. It has proven to lower blood pressure.
Nudists generally have strong family ties and a lower divorce rate as well as a lower teenage pregnancy rate than that of the g |
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