| Author |
 Topic  |
|
greg_ldssdc047
Forum Member
|
 Posted - 03/31/2004 : 03:03:48 AM
|
Okay, in a previous post, I talked about the harm that may be done by a child walking in on adults involved in sex.
I've done some studying of history and anthropology, and I know that many cultures did not shield children from sexual activity. Some cultures still don't today.
One example is many Native American tribes that used to live in communal longhouses. Many families lived in a single shelter, and there were no inner dividing walls or curtains. Sex occurred between couples in a semi-public fashion... meaning under blankets, but still visible to all in the lodge. My understanding is that there was simply an ettiquette that one ignored the couple who was engaged in sexual activity. Don't stare. Don't comment. Don't giggle. Just go about your business.
Furthermore, in days of yore, as mankind tamed, bred, and raised livestock, copulation between animals was a common sight, and children were undoubtedly exposed to this. No doubt it held a fascination for them as young children, but after seeing it enough, and having it explained to them, it would have become passe. The same goes for seeing the couples in the lodge. After a while, it's just "what couples do sometimes".
Is it truly harmful to kids to see sexual activity between adults? Would it make them less moral? Would it cause them to be promiscuous as they enter puberty and adolescence? Or is the morality of sex learned as a completely separate concept from the mechanics of sex (which is what would be learned by observation)?
Please! Don't anyone think I'm advocating setting your kids down in front-row seats as you get it on with your partner! I'm not. I'm just raising a question that is raised by this anthropological discontinuity.
Greg
|
|
Country:
| Posts: 48 |
 |
|
|
philzer
Forum Member
.jpg)
|
Posted - 03/31/2004 : 8:59:32 PM
|
I think it really depends on how you handle the subject with your kids. Privacy for sex to me is partly to avoid distraction while you're being intimate with your partner, and obviously having kids in the room watching you would make intimacy difficult! Beyond that, we have a very strong societal taboo against kids watching parents have sex, and often with good reason, I think. Not that I think the Native Americans got it wrong by any means -- that was the society they lived in. But in our society, with its highly charged and confusing sexual images that kids get exposed to on a frequent basis, I think kids need to reach a certain level of maturity before they start learning about sex.
If my kids were to walk in on us, we wouldn't freak out, but treat the subject calmly and with dignity with them, and just explain that it's Mommy and Daddy's private way of showing love for each other. Even if they need to be mature before they start learning about sex, they also shouldn't grow up with the belief that it's something to be ashamed of.
Philzer
|
|
Country:
| Posts: 321 |
|
|
|
greg_ldssdc047
Forum Member
|
Posted - 03/31/2004 : 11:21:08 PM
|
I'm pretty much in agreement with you, Philzer...
One thing is perplexing me, though:
I agree with the confusing sexual images that kids get... but how would seeing their parents in a sexual act cause them harm in relation to this confusion?
There are a lot of confusing notions about nudity and body-shame in today's society, yet family nudism has a normalizing effect on kids. They grow up with healthier attitudes about bodies as a result. Doesn't it also follow that kids would grow up with healthier attitudes about sex, if they were exposed to it at home? (Assuming a 'normal' sex life for the parents in question. BDSM or fetishes might be a bit harder to assimilate for a child.)
I guess I'm asking this question because I know a lot of parents tip-toe about sex around their kids. They go out of their way to avoid exposing their children to it, even by chance. For instance, having sex late at night after the kids are asleep, and/or having sex quietly, so as not to draw attention. I often wonder what kind of message that sort of circumspection gives to the kids... if sex isn't shameful, why go through all those lengths to hide that it's occuring?
I remember walking in on my parents in the living room once, when they thought we were all out playing outside. To avoid getting into too much detail, I'll just say she was fondling him.
They freaked. My dad barked at me to get out. I must have been 12 or 13. Although I remember it vividly because it was such an odd occurance, I don't consider myself scarred by it. I've never thought anything other than, "So my parents get intimate. So what! I knew they did, anyway." I took it in stride. No big deal.
So will kids be harmed by hearing mom and dad grunting and moaning in the other room? Or the headboard knocking? I have yet to see a really compelling argument that they would be. Not if they're raised in a home that is open about things like nudity and discussing sexuality in a frank, matter-of-fact manner.
Like I said, I don't advocate going out of our way to expose kids to it. The question is... do we need to go out of our way to make sure they AREN'T exposed to it?
Greg
|
|
Country:
| Posts: 48 |
|
|
|
Kimberly
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/01/2004 : 02:40:16 AM
|
More than likely it would gross out the kids. If it was mine, they would probably tell us we were doing it right.
Kim =^.^=
|
|
Country: Canada
| Posts: 3235 |
|
|
|
sailordave
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/01/2004 : 09:46:20 AM
|
My ex-wife and I were in the bath tub together, she sitting on my lap (please don't ask me to go further in painting a picture). The kids were fighting over a toy and came running in the bathroom for our judgement on who got the toy. We heard them coming so we stopped all sexual movement before they got in the bathroom(beat them by all of a second) but wasn't able to change positions. We rendered our judgement calmly then told them to go play. They were ages 9 and 6 at the time.
|
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 388 |
|
|
|
FireProf
Forum Member
|
 Posted - 04/01/2004 : 3:52:18 PM
|
Catching us in "the act" didn't seem to bother our daughters at all. Yes, we have been caught several times. You know, they leave, you give them 5-10 mins just in case they forgot something...that times goes by, you think you're in the clear...you get busy and BAM...the door from the house to the garage opens...there your daughter stands and you and your spouse are caught in a compromising position.
Both our daughters just said...we're just glad you're still in love and not fighting.
Our grandaughter just saw some pictures of us nude that we have in frames in our walk in closet. We usually fold the frames up or put the pics away when we think others may be coming over...cuz you never know who's gonna look in your closets. Well we didn't this time and she saw them. She asked my wife why we had naked pictures of us and my wife just said cuz grandma and grandpa are crazy people. She laughed and said, you and grandpa aren't crazy, you're funny. Out of the mouths of babes. 
|
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 3175 |
|
|
|
irishred
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/01/2004 : 4:01:01 PM
|
Fireprof, great story. Good for you and your wife.
irishred
|
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 880 |
|
|
|
chic
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/01/2004 : 4:03:25 PM
|
Our pre-teen daughter walked in on us in the act. She asked what we were doing, and although being in shock, one of us answered, we are loving each other. She responded ok, and just walked out. She just accepted the answer and never raised it again. Be honest with kids, they'll just accept it.
Chic
|
Edited by - chic on 04/01/2004 4:05:03 PM |
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 1062 |
|
|
|
papabare
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/01/2004 : 10:19:16 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Kimberly
You have some thoughts there Greg, but evidently you haven't had kids yet. Closed doors or an invitation to be opened. The kids will have to be of a certain age before they understand the reason for the closed doors. Kids, and adults should be trained to knock first before entering a room with a closed door. If you want your privacy respected, then you need to be sure and respect your kids privacy. Your kids do need their privacy, even if you raise them as nudists. The secret is communication, and talking things out with them. If you suspect illegal activities discuss it with them, don't accuse, and don't go searching their room. If your kids feel you do not trust them, then you will have the problems. Teenagers especially need space where they can be alone, and not interrupted or walked in on. Kids do not need locked doors, which could actually be dangerous, especially during a fire.
Kim =^.^=
Now there is a parent with teenagers :) Thats exactly what I was saying. Kids and adults need privacy. I can remember many times having our kids walk in on us while being 'Intimate'. For one its a major Coitus Interuptus, aswell as not something we wanted to have our kids watch us doing :-p
Now I dont have that to worry about right now, being a single father, but I still have times I don't want someone walking in, and having a teenager there are times the teenager doesnt want me walking in.
Yes having 'Alone Time' is perfectly natural and healthy, but I dont want someone walking in on it, nor do I want to walk in on it!
Heck, there are times I want 'alone time' just cause I want to read a book before going to bed or something.
--------------------
Live Body Proud, Live Clothes Free
|
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 620 |
|
|
|
papabare
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/01/2004 : 10:37:14 PM
|
I have two answers to the caught in the sex act.
1. When we were caught midcoitus we never freaked. We would roll over and usually the kids would ask what we were doing, etc. We gave the apporpiate answers and that usually sufficed. Most of the time they would just barge in and go 'Oh, I'll come back' oor sopmething to that affect and leave. We usually locked our door but sometimes you just forget.
2. After we left my ex, my daughter was spending the weekend over there for her 13th birthday and she had some friends over. Her mother had her then boyfriend, now husband (6 months after we left she was married, nice huh?) over and she was VERY vocal in the next room. My daughter and her friends heard this and my daughters friends started giggling and such as tweens and early teens will do, and my daughter was embarassed to hell and back. I don't have to mention she never had anouter overnight with her friends there again.
So yes, sex is natural and you shouldnt make it seem unatural or bad or anything to your kids, but you do need to practice some self control. We live in a society where kids watching thier parents have sex is bad, and if you do it infront of them and the authorities find out you could lose them. In a Natvic American culture or other cultures it is fine for them, but our Values, Norms, and Roles are different.
P.S. When I was without kids (Which wasnt very long in my life as you could probably tell from my childrens ages and previous posts) I believed bascily the same kinds of things and had the same kinds of questions as you did Greg. After living with my own kids for well neigh many years (Oiy I feel old), it has changed my mind I am now more my parents then I was that kid who was thinking those thoughts.
--------------------
Live Body Proud, Live Clothes Free
|
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 620 |
|
|
|
Kimberly
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/02/2004 : 02:49:07 AM
|
Sounds like you have it all together FireProf. Great answers and great comebacks. Your grand daughter sounds like a little cuttie!
Kim =^.^=
|
|
Country: Canada
| Posts: 3235 |
|
|
|
The Bead Man
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/02/2004 : 3:14:22 PM
|
Many people (not those here!) are shy about being naked at all, so I can understand them not wanting to be seen naked by their children.
For others, even if they are not nudists, an question to consider is: "Who do you want your children to see naked (or more) first?"
Back in Victorian times, the assumption was that it would be their spouse on their wedding night. This was unrealistic back then, but then parents always like to assume that what they did in their childhood was a special case, and their offspring wouldn't repeat what they did.
In modern times, the assumption is laughable - so the question is whether your children see you casually naked, or wait until they can use the Internet. If they see you, and maybe your friends, at a young age they will accept it as part of life, and it will definitely not "scar them for life". Wait until they are old enough for them to access the Internet unsupervised (at about the time their hormones are getting into a real uproar), and it will have a much bigger effect on their lives!
Cheers!
David
"The Bead Man"
www.thebeadman.net
The Bead Artist formerly known as Revilo42
|
|
Country:
| Posts: 186 |
|
|
|
FireProf
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/02/2004 : 7:52:59 PM
|
Kim,
Our grandchildren are great fun. They really get crazy when they get to swim nude in the pool for a little while when they visit.
|
|
Country: USA
| Posts: 3175 |
|
|
|
philzer
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/02/2004 : 8:39:19 PM
|
Overall, I really don't worry about my kids somehow being "scarred" if they accidentally saw my wife I me having sex. I'd be more concerned about US not giving them the wrong kind of reaction -- i.e., one of hysteria and embarassment. We wouldn't do that anyway, since we're pretty level-headed. But the way parents address the whole subject of sex -- or perhaps more importantly, NOT address it -- with their kids is what really leads to kids having distorted and unhealthy views of sex. That has far more potential for "scarring" your children than them accidentally walking in on you.
Philzer
|
|
Country:
| Posts: 321 |
|
|
|
greg_ldssdc047
Forum Member
|
Posted - 04/02/2004 : 10:40:51 PM
|
Thanks for all your answers...
It sounds like we've got a lot of very level-headed people here.
I want to be very candid with my children about sex. My ideal is that they will think of it as just another part of life. It's a bit like driving a car: It's not for children, but it's something grownups can get a great deal of enjoyment from. It has its own set of rules and hazards to avoid. Some people "drive" slow, some fast. Some like to keep it on the pavement, while others like to go offroad. Some are safe about it, and some are reckless. But when they get old enough, I don't want them to be afraid to climb behind the wheel confidently and safely. Until then, I expect them to keep it in the garage.
Greg
|
|
Country:
| Posts: 48 |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Nudist-Resorts.Org Discussion Forum Bulletin Board Nudism Clothing Optional Resort Naturism Nude Beaches |
© 2002-2020 SUN |
|
|
|
Nudist 
