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 Bringing a fully clothed SO to a nudist venue
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Nudony
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Posted - 04/27/2018 :  2:49:16 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I haven't posted here in ages; but I thought I'd get a little conversation going.

I recently viewed an interesting thread about this and I'd like to get everyone's perspective.

When it comes to reluctant SO's, I've found there are varying degrees of it: the "reluctant but open-minded", and the "reluctant but very resistant" being two of many.
The attitude and behavior between the two is usually different. Even when clothing/coverage is still worn, someone in the first category is usually more likely to opt for a sarong or light coverage, because the possibility of eventually disrobing is not entirely ruled out.
Someone in the latter category is more likely to wear more clothing, if not a full outfit (shirt, shorts/jeans, underwear), with the intention of eventually disrobing being remote.

The question becomes: if the spouse is in the latter category, do you still bring her to a nudist venue?
Proponents of "Yes" stated that as long as the venue is CO, and permission is granted for the newbie to stay dressed; it shouldn't matter. Other nudists should be understanding of someone choosing to remain fully dressed.
Proponents of "No" stated two issues with this. One: a fully dressed person can be "disruptive" to the nudist "ambiance"; as a setting with a majority of nude people can be affected by the presence of a fully clothed person. Two: the fully dressed spouse, in the midst of a majority of nude people, can actually feel more self-conscious; thereby reducing even more the chances of said spouse's possibility of disrobing.

So what would you do, if you had a spouse who would agree to accompany you to a nudist venue, but stated that she would stay fully dressed?


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soonbnude
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Posted - 04/27/2018 :  5:54:41 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
For what it's worth I would allow SO / partial clothing, I have no issue with it. At CO beaches I regularly see some women with a bikini or maybe topless who just haven't taken that next step yet, it might happen, it might not but I think we should let them decide. If they are willing to come to such a place I think they would be considering being naked and sometimes it takes time.

This year at our beaches over summer down-under I saw a group of young girls together, had not seen them before. There was a group of 6 I think, 2 were naked, 3 were topless, 1 had a small bikini on. Clearly to me they were all at various stages of getting used to public nudity. I think it takes time for some, more than others.

I would be happy if my wife accompanied me to a CO beach / resort, I'm sure she would be partially clothed initially but reckon over time she may get mostly or fully undressed and I would give her that chance. She was topless lots years ago before kids and naked once that I recall, but I thought it was a timing / comfort thing. These days she thinks she should leave something on, we are mid 50's (54 & 56) and thinks she does not look good naked. I've told her she is wrong (she does look good) and plan on showing her there are quite a few women who do get naked, or part naked, at the beach and we all have to start somewhere.



Edited by - soonbnude on 04/28/2018 7:41:05 PM

Country: Australia | Posts: 397 Go to Top of Page

Nude in AK
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Posted - 04/28/2018 :  03:07:21 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I am sure that we fall into the second group. From conversations here, I do not ever see my wife being nude around anyone, any place! I believe that it is more from her up bringing, then anything else. It is as though her being fully clothed is also her security. That is OK! I on the other hand, am comfortable being nude, hence some interesting conversations! I try not to push the subject, but have attempted to show her positive articles on the nude life style.



Country: USA | Posts: 216 Go to Top of Page

Bill Bowser
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Posted - 04/28/2018 :  5:42:34 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
As nudists we believe that society should allow us the freedom to wear as much or as little clothing as we wish. But, at nude or clothing-optional venues we often object to those who choose to keep their clothes on. We shouldn’t be concerned about what other people are wearing.

Since it is much easier to change your own attitude than it is to change someone else’s behavior, I suggest the we ignore (or respect) other people’s clothing choices while we enjoy the choices we’ve made.

Bill Bowser - Cincinnati
Not lewd, not crude, just nude.

Nudists are everywhere, but they're hard to identify with their clothes on.



Country: USA | Posts: 311 Go to Top of Page

soonbnude
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Posted - 04/28/2018 :  7:48:52 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

Well said Bill. Provided it is legal for us to be nude at the beach does it matter if some have bikini's on. We all have to start somewhere as not that many people were lucky enough to be raised in a nudist household and sometimes in my experience people get nude on the beach slowly.

Over our summer down-under this year I saw various groups of girls lay down on their towels with a bikini on but then after a while the top came off and sometimes the bottom. I just figured they are new to this and good for them being there and trying it for themselves. If they stay with a swim-suit on, I don't care, they may gradually warm to getting nude, and if they don't it doesn't hurt or matter to me.



Country: Australia | Posts: 397 Go to Top of Page

Nudony
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Posted - 04/28/2018 :  11:11:50 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I've told the story before about a nudist bringing his "fully-clad" wife to a nudist get-together. She was wearing her street clothes: shorts, T-shirt, underwear; and demonstrated a clear unwillingness to part with any of it. Everyone else in attendance that day was naked. I can't say for certain how many people had a genuine problem with her presence there; but it was evident people steered clear of her. With the exception of my dear ever-empathetic ex-wife. But that was later on; and up until then the woman was clearly having a hard time. Not only was she shunned; but it seemed that she was struggling with her "outsider" status and inability to take part in the social interaction. Luckily, my wife felt sympathetic and decided to approach her. But had she not been there that day; the wife's first-time amongst nudists would have decidedly been a fiasco.

Both my ex and my fiancée's first time amongst nudists was quite different; although they were both also covered. However, my ex opted for buttoned sundress (sans undies) that she unbuttoned fairly early on. My fiancée opted for a bathing suit bottom and went topless under a top cover-up that she removed fairly early on. The minimal coverage they both wore made it easier to gain acceptance and fit in. Beyond that it was just a matter of removing one single piece of clothing.

Had they not opted for minimal coverage, would I have still taken them into an environment where every one else was naked? I don't know for sure; but I certainly would have been concerned with them feeling "outcasted", thus feeling even less tempted to join in.




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steineri
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Posted - 04/30/2018 :  07:06:55 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This may be an overly simplistic idea, but shouldn't it come up before marriage/serious relationship? If one likes to go to c/o places, shouldn't it be discussed while dating if the other would be open to it? Depending on your level of commitment to a clothing-free life, that may be a deciding factor if you want to be with them long term or not.

The exception being of course, coming into the lifestyle late in life, after being married.



Country: USA | Posts: 34 Go to Top of Page

nudesunguy
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Posted - 05/05/2018 :  10:35:44 AM  Show Profile  Send nudesunguy a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
I can see both sides of this issue, and good point, Steineri. When I was first dating my wife she mentioned having gone to nude beaches and I thought to myself, "Yes, this might work!" But I guess I was lucky.

I do have to say that fully clothed people at a nudist resort is sort of a downer. Above we have only discussed clothed women, how would most of us feel (especially women) if there were fully clothed men hanging out with us? I think in cases like this, it's probably best to just go alone, if you can. If your spouse was not into hunting, would you make her traipse through the woods with you? Something to think about.






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FireProf
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Posted - 05/05/2018 :  11:35:00 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
To answer this clearly, you'd have to know which venue, in particular, we are speaking of. There are varying degrees of "clothing optional" and "nude" clubs and resorts. For this response to the question, I'm leaving out nude beaches because many times, the clothed outnumber the nudes at nude/clothing optional beaches.


We have clubs and resorts that vary greatly in the rules and standards of these venues; nude when possible, clothed when practical, nude always, visitors and quests naked always but regulars and residents can do whatever they want and many times, that means clothed. Nude in and around the pool or hot tub, nude everywhere but you can remain clothed at your RV or rental unit. This list of rules is endless depending on the management and how fellow nudists accept and treat those that are not nude.


There are differing degrees of clothing optional. Some clubs and resorts refer to their clothing optional rules as an "adjustment period," where the reluctant person can remain clothed for a certain amount of time then has to make a decision; get naked or remain clothed and leave. I've seen this first hand where a club is described as clothing optional but actually had the owner of the club ask several people to either remove their clothing or leave the club, after an event that allowed people to participate clothed.


I lean toward this last rule for any and all nude/clothing optional resorts. We nudists have less and less venues to visit. Some venues are now catering to swingers, fetish groups and allowing more and more people to visit and remain clothed. Regardless of what some of you say about it being about your ability to remain nude amongst the clothed, many reluctant spouses don't want to then be the nude person on display for all these clothed people. IF nudism is the great "equalizer" as many of you would say, then there must be an equal playing field and having more and more clothed people at nude/clothing optional resorts is not an equal playing field.


Clothing optional was meant to mean a couple of things; remain clothed/covered til you're comfortable joining in, cover or clothe when the weather is not cooperative. It certainly didn't mean that textiles could now take over a nude resort so they could visit, remain clothed and watch all the naked people, most of which will be men.


So ... to answer your question; I would not take my reluctant spouse to a clothing optional resort if she was adamant about remaining clothed the entire time. Nudism starts at home and if she's not comfortable being naked at home, out in our private backyard or expresses disinterest, in social nudism, then don't take her to a nude/clothing optional resort. If she is comfortable with nudity at home and in your private backyard and expresses interest, however slight, in social nudist, then and only then would I take her to a nude/clothing optional resort to see if she would be comfortable. If she were unwilling to undress after a couple hours, then we'd leave and I think that's what many guys with reluctant spouses should do as well.




Loves being naked. Plays well with others!



Edited by - FireProf on 05/06/2018 01:50:30 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 2886 Go to Top of Page

soonbnude
Forum Member

Posted - 05/05/2018 :  6:51:23 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

I think resorts and CO beaches need to be considered differently. Resorts will have rules and while giving a SO some time to acclimatise yes they would need to remove all clothing after a period of time. CO beaches are different and I don't really care if a SO stays partially clad at a beach, it's a public place and thankfully it's CO and we choose to take up the option.

Yes we are generally talking about women here remaining partially clothed but it does happen the other way around, there was a couple near me on the beach over summer with her being naked and he kept his shorts on, I noticed because I thought it was unusual. The groups of young guys that come to the beach I'm never too sure about, again "generally" I believe they are likely to be there to perv but these beaches are public beaches. But with groups of girls / young women coming to the beach don't bother me, maybe it's a double standard but I feel they are more likely to get undressed either partly or fully over time.



Country: Australia | Posts: 397 Go to Top of Page

Nudony
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Posted - 05/08/2018 :  7:11:33 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by FireProf

So ... to answer your question; I would not take my reluctant spouse to a clothing optional resort if she was adamant about remaining clothed the entire time. Nudism starts at home and if she's not comfortable being naked at home, out in our private backyard or expresses disinterest, in social nudism, then don't take her to a nude/clothing optional resort. If she is comfortable with nudity at home and in your private backyard and expresses interest, however slight, in social nudist, then and only then would I take her to a nude/clothing optional resort to see if she would be comfortable. If she were unwilling to undress after a couple hours, then we'd leave and I think that's what many guys with reluctant spouses should do as well.



Pretty much my thoughts exactly :)

I like the "hunting trip" comparison. If a SO doesn't want to hold a gun and shoot an animal him/herself, but is willing to go to a hunting excursion to "check it out" and hang out and experience the social outdoorsy aspect of it; that is a bit like the "reluctant" spouse who agrees to go to a nudist resort and wear minimal coverage like a sarong or T-shirt. There is a willingness there to participate; even if participation is limited. And there's always the possibility that full participation will eventually be possible.

On the other hand, if the SO other is a vegetarian or a PETA supporter, the possibility that he/she will hate every moment of it becomes much more likely. But not only will he/she hate every minute of it, but it would also probably be a total bummer for the other participants. That to me is a little like the "reluctant" SO that completely refuses to disrobe in any shape or form. For the sake of the group and his/her emotional well-being, it's probably more beneficial that the SO just stay home that day.

That's just my humble opinion. I get that sometimes nudists get very emphatic when it comes to bringing their SO to the nudist resort; because it's easier to gain acceptance with a spouse present. But sometimes it's better to just wait until the SO is at least "half way there" before venturing to a resort where nudity is predominantly practiced.




Edited by - Nudony on 05/08/2018 7:19:10 PM

Country: | Posts: 428 Go to Top of Page

FireProf
Forum Member


Posted - 05/09/2018 :  10:38:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I've conversed on sites, such as this one, as has Nudony and found that there are many guys that want to jump right into social nudism at a club or resort with a SO that is neither a nudist or is frequently nude at home. A word of caution to these guys as I've read many a story about how this has backfired and to save the marriage, the guy had to give up on nudism altogether.


When your wife gives you ultimatems and it's nudism or her, it's a no brainer. If you choose nudism over her, there's underlying issues in the marriage and it's not nudism. Patience is a virtue and most guys with SO's that don't have any patience or lose their patience end up in some pretty tense situations with their wives. Instead of the reluctant SO accepting the other's nudism at home, the SO now puts up a wall and will not listen to any references to nudism at all and may want you to stop altogether.


I met a guy on the internet. We'd become good friends and he lived nearby. He wanted to meet in the worst way and I agreed. His wife was a willing participant in home nudism and an occasional visit to the nude beach, but had boundaries and rules. I didn't know these rules until after I'd met this guy. After our morning meeting at a local coffee shop, he returned home to tell his wife that we'd met and that he felt very comfortable with me and he felt she'd be comfortable with my wife. Instead, she argued, they fought and he left the internet site, they stopped going to the beach, there was no communication after the note he sent telling me what had happened and how our meeting broke the rules and boundaries she set to remain comfortable with nudism.


Sometimes, the Prof isn't feeling particularly good about herself. At a resort or at our club, she'll sometimes not want to participate fully. At the club, we've been known to just keep to the RV spot and not visit the rec center or pool deck. At a resort, she may elect to slip on the sarong while walking around. It becomes a all inclusive comfort issue for her; the place, the people, the vibe and how she feels about herself at that time. The one thing I never do is ask her or pressure her to get naked when she isn't feeling like it, in a social setting.




Loves being naked. Plays well with others!



Edited by - FireProf on 05/09/2018 10:45:29 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 2886 Go to Top of Page

free2be
Forum Member


Posted - 05/09/2018 :  3:17:10 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You hit the key word FP...patience. My wife is and will always be a confirmed textile...although she has tried it a few times, like the last time we went to Apollo (story in that forum topic), it is not for her. In the early days of our marriage she was only ok with my sleeping nude but not anywhere else in the house. Over time she has come to accept my nudism as the norm. It was actually her idea to take me to Gunnison for my birthday back in 2010...which was my first venture into social nudism. She has gone with me to other visits to CO beaches since then and even participated in a nude 5K...she was clothed of course but she enjoyed herself. None of this would have been possible, I feel, if I pressured her in any way along the way. And if she ever changes her mind...then I will choose her...I didn’t make it 35 years of being married by being stupid.


Country: USA | Posts: 654 Go to Top of Page

Jimmie2
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Posted - 05/09/2018 :  4:13:11 PM  Show Profile  Visit Jimmie2's Homepage  Reply with Quote
I am the true example of patience! I slowly pushed to be more naked around the house, pool and our back yard (very secluded). Mrs Jimmie would occasionally join me but very rarely. For 10 years when we were in our RV, I was always naked inside and would walk around outside with just a sarong on for the most part. My camping buddy would pretty much do the same with his reluctant SO. Mrs. Jimmie slowly became accustomed to being around us naked guys when we were hanging out for the evening in our RV’s, but neither of the wives would participate, but really didn’t care. There could have been some alcohol involved with their relaxed attitude towards our nudity back then………….

Then three years ago, Mrs Jimmie asked what I would like to do for my 60th birthday (I’ve responded about this before) – of course I wanted to go to Cypress Cove Nudist Resort. She reluctantly agreed to go, but only if some nudist friends that we have would agree to go as well. Of course they agreed and the rest is history. She had a great time and agreed to go again for her birthday that year. Since then, we have been to Cypress Cove four times and are planning two more trips this year!

Mrs Jimmie after her everyday walk, takes a shower or jumps in the pool and now hangs out naked for the rest of the evening and even sleeps naked as well! She always thought it was “weird” that people hung out naked, but now finds it quite relaxing and comfortable. So now when we are out glamping, she relaxes on her couch and I relax on my couch - of course naked. Our RV is set up with opposing slides in the back that both have couches in them…quite enjoyable! #128522;

Of course patience may not work for everyone. I guess it just takes the right type of relationship that you have with your SO to make it work.


HNATDT



Country: USA | Posts: 87 Go to Top of Page

soonbnude
Forum Member

Posted - 05/09/2018 :  6:01:38 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

Well I see how I go next summer (here, winter looks to be starting now) as I am planning a trip to a CO beach camping resort a few hours away. I guess I will find out, will try to encourage some more backyard activity, house activity and maybe a beach trip too.



Country: Australia | Posts: 397 Go to Top of Page
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