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NeExplorer
New Member

Posted - 02/06/2019 :  09:35:06 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
So my wife and I are new to naturism. We are getting comfortable being nude at home. I'm not sure she'll be ready to visit a resort as early as I will, but I'm fairly certain she'll be ok with me checking them out first. So I called the few within 8 hrs driving of where I live in Nebraska and I was extremely disappointed.
All told me I was not welcome without my wife. I thought I'd put their mind at ease (because to me it felt like they were saying single men are assumed to be perverts until proven otherwise) so I told them I read there place was "family friendly" and assured them I wouldn't come alone but would bring at least a couple of my kids who would love to play nude. Nope. That's fine if I bring kids, but my wife is still required to come.
It makes me not want to visit these places even when my wife does want to go. I don't know why, but when they said my wife was free to visit alone I got kind of depressed. Am I missing something?

Country: | Posts: 9

Bill Bowser
Forum Member


Posted - 02/10/2019 :  08:25:50 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Single men and lone married men are often the victims of sexual discrimination at nude clubs. Although this might be illegal I donít think anyone has tried to fight it in court. As a widower Iíve faced it on occasion, but I usually consider any place that doesnít want my business is a place where I donít really want to be. There are many clubs that do not discriminate by sex.

Bill Bowser - Cincinnati
Not lewd, not crude, just nude.

Nudists are everywhere, but they're hard to identify with their clothes on.



Country: USA | Posts: 322 Go to Top of Page

Nudony
Forum Member


Posted - 02/10/2019 :  1:59:45 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I don't really begrudge nudist resorts/clubs that require both spouses' consent because - as I understand it - there could be some "legality" involved for them as they could be subpoenaed in divorce/custody proceedings. And that would suck for them.

But I do begrudge resorts/clubs that do not give the opportunity for the non-attending spouse to voice their consent for the nudist spouse and children to attend - be it in written or oral form. When I decided to "scope out" a nudist club by myself for the first time, I was required to give my wife some "consent" paperwork to sign-off on. That allowed me to visit and come back to my wife with a first-hand account of my visits; which would later serve as encouragement for her to accompany me on a return trip. That's the way it "should" work IMHO.

But some resorts are not smart enough to realize that having such a policy could actually help them in the long run. That's unfortunate; as there are a lot of "reluctant" wives who would eventually get curious as to why their spouse and kids keep going and coming back happy, and will want to eventually "check it out" for themselves. But if you have a spouse willing to "sign off on it", I would focus on those resorts/clubs that require spousal consent and ignore those that require both spouses to be present.




Edited by - Nudony on 02/10/2019 2:00:43 PM

Country: | Posts: 434 Go to Top of Page

NeExplorer
New Member

Posted - 02/10/2019 :  4:43:52 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Oh no, they did not care about consent, the way they said it, it was clear they simply didn't care one way or another about the kids coming, I simply couldn't come without my wife regardless of all other circumstances. And yes, if asked I have zero doubt she would have any problem giving consent (we've been married for 23 yrs and met in 2nd grade - we know each other pretty well).


Country: | Posts: 9 Go to Top of Page

calgarymark
Forum Member

Posted - 02/11/2019 :  12:31:33 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
When I started to get interested in going to nudist-friendly places, I was aware of the potential constraints. I too was to travel alone as my wife is no longer able to travel. She does not object to having a holiday at home from me

Before long I joined the Federation of Canadian Naturists (FCN) as an independent member (not attached to a club). That helped grant me access to a few places - a couple of clubs in California and El Portus campground in Spain, one in Florida. Consider supporting one of the organisations which support naturism (AANR, TNS, FCN).

Like Bill Bowser, if they don't want me, I don't need to support them.

CalgaryMark
Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional. Laughing at yourself is therapeutic.



Country: Canada | Posts: 104 Go to Top of Page

FireProf
Forum Member


Posted - 02/11/2019 :  02:37:17 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NeExplorer

So my wife and I are new to naturism. We are getting comfortable being nude at home. I'm not sure she'll be ready to visit a resort as early as I will, but I'm fairly certain she'll be ok with me checking them out first. So I called the few within 8 hrs driving of where I live in Nebraska and I was extremely disappointed.
All told me I was not welcome without my wife. I thought I'd put their mind at ease (because to me it felt like they were saying single men are assumed to be perverts until proven otherwise) so I told them I read there place was "family friendly" and assured them I wouldn't come alone but would bring at least a couple of my kids who would love to play nude. Nope. That's fine if I bring kids, but my wife is still required to come.
It makes me not want to visit these places even when my wife does want to go. I don't know why, but when they said my wife was free to visit alone I got kind of depressed. Am I missing something?




How about you let your wife get more comfortable with nudism and simple non sexual nudity at home first! Just because a wife or female significant other takes her clothes off occasionally or even often, doesn't mean they are ready to share that with total strangers. Give the resort conquest a rest and let her get really comfortable with home nudism first.

Some guys just want to move way too fast. Move to fast and you could ruin a really good thing with your wife participating at all. It's great that your kids like to be nude as well and when the time's right, they'll all join you and visit a club/resort at their pace.


You can be the greatest guy in the world. TOO many guys visiting alone, be it single, married and unaccompanied, divorced, widowed... have spoiled the barrel and that's just a fact of life and this lifestyle. Getting mad at the resort or club solves nothing. Expend that energy in enjoying your time as a nudist family and getting your wife more comfortable with nudism and give it time before rushing into pushing her to go or meet some time frame for the visit before she's ready.


Good luck!

Loves being naked. Plays well with others!



Edited by - FireProf on 02/11/2019 02:40:03 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 2943 Go to Top of Page

Daretobare
Forum Member


Posted - 02/11/2019 :  05:16:59 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Five years ago my wife and I inquired at a nude resort in Florida that I could stay in our camper for the winter as a snowbird. My wife being present, took the tour of the place with me. The owner was very pleasant, and informative. Even call it inviting. She showed us their available park models to rent and site for our rv. The people we met too were very friendly. Back at the office my wife noted to them verbally that I myself would be attending and her on occasion for one week visits during my time there of four months. The entire atmosphere changed. We were told that the weather propobly wouldn't be condusive for my stay there and encouraged me to go elsewhere. But also saying once my wife retired feel free as a couple to visit again and stay. That's OK.... We found a better and nicer alternative.


Country: USA | Posts: 173 Go to Top of Page

NeExplorer
New Member

Posted - 02/11/2019 :  10:01:40 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
FireProf. I know you're just trying to give me good advice because you know way more about this subject. I am very new. But with all due respect, you dont know my wife or our relationship. My post is about the practice of places to deny men, and not women, and acceptance.
I am not going to debate my wife's feelings or issues. I will say I am not rushing her as you said many men seem to. I joined the navy out of high school, I worked on a system gang for the railroad. I have traveled all over this country and Europe while she has stayed home with the kids. She feels more comfortable, usually, if in new situations, that I look into things first. She feels more comfortable then knowing I am familiar with the surroundings. And if she ever said no way, this is not for her, then I know she tried it and that's the way I'll go - with her. That's my family, no one else, but mine.
Now one other thought I had concerning my post, is how you said

"TOO many guys visiting alone, be it single, married and unaccompanied, divorced, widowed... have spoiled the barrel and that's just a fact of life and this lifestyle."

My question is how did they ruin it? If this naturist philosophy really isn't sexual, then I'm assuming these males must have acted inappropriately, and now all males without females are assumed to be inappropriate in some way. I haven't done anything wrong and while I agree I have to accept the way things are, I dont have to pretend that those who are lumping me in with people who are assumed to be deviant in some way, is right. And as a newer family, who is middle aged with 6 kids, if we are turned off because of this rule of lumping all males together, then this way of life just might lose 8 potential members. And if these resorts want younger members, most 18-25 year olds are not getting married like we used to. So they lose all those singles. Like I said, I have to accept it's the way it is, I dont have to pretend it's right.




Country: | Posts: 9 Go to Top of Page

calgarymark
Forum Member

Posted - 02/11/2019 :  2:51:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
NeExplorer, you are finding out what I did. The additional information in your reply to FireProf helps to understand your situation. You have reached the same conclusion that Bill Bowser and I have, unfortunately. The problem is we live in North America, not Europe. The problem is not with you, BillB or me. Part of the problem is those predatory males who have indeed spoiled the barrel. I suspect part of the problem is where you live and local attitudes. Part of the problem is the North American innate prudery derived from the early colonists ('Puritans' Ė what a misleading descriptor). I know a person who was recently interviewed for a job in Omaha. I looked for AANR places within a 2-hour range - none.

Consider some of the Florida or California resorts or campgrounds, do your solo check-out, and report back to the family. Of course, it will cost more to prospect and take the family later, but you may find what you want. Even consider moving, I believe the Florida winters are 'better' than NB.

Another possibility (if you have the money) would be to look at the French or Croatian resorts or campgrounds. I found the Croatian resort I stayed at to be much more family-friendly. I can't speak from personal experience of the French Atlantic coastal campgrounds. It doesn't cost anything to check out the websites. Good hunting!

CalgaryMark
Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional. Laughing at yourself is therapeutic.



Country: Canada | Posts: 104 Go to Top of Page

NeExplorer
New Member

Posted - 02/11/2019 :  3:42:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks for all the advice everyone, and FireProf, I hope I didn't come off too strongly. When I reread it, it sounds more defensive than I meant. I only meant to let you know my wife and I are on the same page.
And calgarymark, yes, there were only a few places I could call that are 8 hrs away pulling a camper (slows me down just a bit). We are thinking of joining aanr as one place in Florida I browsed on the internet said that would help get in if single (even though that's obviously more than 8 hrs).
And I dont think I made this clear either, it's not really that we feel we just have to go to a resort. It's the fact that we love to camp as a family, and since we go at least 5 or 6 times a season anyway, we figured then why not combine being unclothed and camping.



Country: | Posts: 9 Go to Top of Page

FireProf
Forum Member


Posted - 02/11/2019 :  11:39:01 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NeExplorer



"TOO many guys visiting alone, be it single, married and unaccompanied, divorced, widowed... have spoiled the barrel and that's just a fact of life and this lifestyle."

My question is how did they ruin it? If this naturist philosophy really isn't sexual, then I'm assuming these males must have acted inappropriately, and now all males without females are assumed to be inappropriate in some way. I haven't done anything wrong and while I agree I have to accept the way things are, I dont have to pretend that those who are lumping me in with people who are assumed to be deviant in some way, is right. And as a newer family, who is middle aged with 6 kids, if we are turned off because of this rule of lumping all males together, then this way of life just might lose 8 potential members. And if these resorts want younger members, most 18-25 year olds are not getting married like we used to. So they lose all those singles. Like I said, I have to accept it's the way it is, I dont have to pretend it's right.






I/we've been involved in social nudism for over 25 years but do you really expect me to list each and every infraction single males have made since organized landed clubs and resorts began? This is an issue that has plagued resorts, clubs and nude beaches for as long as any of us long, long, long time social nudists can remember. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.



If you've ever visited a nude beach and seen the actions of many single men when there's a nude female on the beach, you can get the idea of what can and does happen in the confines of a club or resort. There are also things that are said, implied or suggested to females when they are nude, by single males and even married males that are either on the hunt or looking for swinger partners. It's nothing new. It's been around for quite some time and continues to this day. It's difficult enough to get females to understand that all men don't act as they expect them to when they see naked women but it's a fact of life that some men do and that's what spoils it for each man, single or married.


Single men are always going to be suspect of going to nude venues to look at nude women, gawk, think of them sexually, which makes women uncomfortable. Changing that mindset is no different than changing the minds of those that have prejudices against other races, sexual preferences, religions, political affiliations... Nudism does not automatically make someone accepting nor does being a nudist, male or female automatically make one trustworthy. It takes time and it takes patience and the willingness to accept that that's the way it is.


The naturist philosophy is non sexual but by stating you are a naturist or nudist, it doesn't automatically make one trustworthy and accepted by those you're trying to befriend. They have to get to know you. I used to visit our club frequently alone. I retired before my wife did and visited alone many times in those 5 years. It was strange that I'd see the same people on weekends, with my wife, as I did during the week and I was automatically suspect as a single male! I couldn't understand why I had gained these nudist couples trust on a weekend but suspected wrong doer as a single male during the week! It doesn't make sense that ALL single males are discriminated against and not sure we'll ever change that mindset until younger people take over as the majority demographic.



You're lucky! You and your wife are on the same page with nudism, such as my wife and I. I, like you, are the nudist venue scouts. We like to visit a place before subjecting our willing partner to the environment. I do that with as many venues as will allow me to visit alone. Not all are willing. Some take a chance, some will not. It's those that will not that are stuck in the same ol' archaic nudist practices of decades ago and they don't like change of any kind. Hard to change people's non progressive minds.


I appreciate the follow up words on your last post.



Loves being naked. Plays well with others!



Country: USA | Posts: 2943 Go to Top of Page

NeExplorer
New Member

Posted - 02/12/2019 :  07:04:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I must say, I believe everything you say fireprof, and I'm glad for the examples of bad behavior. I was quite honestly asking because the one beach we did visit had no bad behavior that we could see. My wife was the only female for a little while and other than the single males seeming to be a bit too proud of their physique, no one made any comments or gestures that made my wife uncomfortable.

That being said, understanding what happens from your description does not make me want to go to any resorts at all. For now we are quite happy to have dnt (daily nude time) at home. We'll see what the next camping season brings us.



Country: | Posts: 9 Go to Top of Page

FireProf
Forum Member


Posted - 02/13/2019 :  12:47:30 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NeExplorer

I must say, I believe everything you say fireprof, and I'm glad for the examples of bad behavior. I was quite honestly asking because the one beach we did visit had no bad behavior that we could see. My wife was the only female for a little while and other than the single males seeming to be a bit too proud of their physique, no one made any comments or gestures that made my wife uncomfortable.

That being said, understanding what happens from your description does not make me want to go to any resorts at all. For now we are quite happy to have dnt (daily nude time) at home. We'll see what the next camping season brings us.




Don't get me wrong, it's less likely to happen at a resort or club because most of these venues discourage and deal rapidly with those that break the rules. Because beaches are public and clubs/resorts are private, there's more of a chance of making a woman feel uncomfortable at a public place where you have zero control over who visits.

It's great you didn't have any trouble at the nude beach/beaches you've visited. Even at age 65, my wife was subjected to "cruisers" throughout the day, each day we would visit our nude beach. These cruisers spent the entire day just walking back and forth and made sure to meander through the various spots where women were sunning and trying to enjoy the day. Then you have those that have plenty of space to put their towel down and they choose a place right next to you or just below you so they can try and get a glimpse between the legs of the woman, or man, when they aren't paying attention. It's pretty sad really. If you haven't had this happen to you, you're fortunate!


These cruisers, in our experience, have always been men visiting alone. We didn't know for sure they were single or married, straight, bi, gay, they were just alone and that type of behavior reflects badly on all guys that are alone at the beach. I used to visit our nude beach alone quite often. When I chose a spot to sit, it wasn't right near or close to women. I didn't cruise but rather went for walks down by the water. I spoke to others and frequently, because of my actions, had single women come and ask if they could sit by me so other single guys would stop bothering them. It helped I was older and probably their father's age! hahahaha


Clubs and resorts need to stop the "shotgun" approach to dealing with bad guys, bad women, bad groups. They need to deal with the offenders and not lump ALL single guys, married guys, visiting alone, as bad or suspect. Until that mindset changes, we regrettably have to deal with what we have.

Loves being naked. Plays well with others!



Country: USA | Posts: 2943 Go to Top of Page

NeExplorer
New Member

Posted - 02/13/2019 :  5:48:48 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hey, answer me this though. Even though no club expressed any concern, or showed any interest either for that matter, let me ask you about my kids. For the sake of this point, let's assume there's no question like was mentioned above about their mom being ok with them coming, and that the club was confident this was true by whatever method (signed form, a phone call, etc...), why wouldn't I be welcome with my kids? Technically, we would be a group of two males, and two females. I know their genders wouldn't really matter, but what I mean is, who would think that a father that loves his 3 kids enough to take them camping and spend quality time with them would be even kind of suspicious?


Country: | Posts: 9 Go to Top of Page

FireProf
Forum Member


Posted - 02/15/2019 :  01:50:38 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NeExplorer

Hey, answer me this though. Even though no club expressed any concern, or showed any interest either for that matter, let me ask you about my kids. For the sake of this point, let's assume there's no question like was mentioned above about their mom being ok with them coming, and that the club was confident this was true by whatever method (signed form, a phone call, etc...), why wouldn't I be welcome with my kids? Technically, we would be a group of two males, and two females. I know their genders wouldn't really matter, but what I mean is, who would think that a father that loves his 3 kids enough to take them camping and spend quality time with them would be even kind of suspicious?




The easy answer; they (club/resort staff and management) don't know you. A woman, grown woman, accompanying you makes you less a risk in their eyes. In the naturist/nudist setting, a woman, most women are trustworthy as compared to men. May not be right but that's the way most clubs and resorts look at it. The chance that you are going to behave badly is seen as less a risk if you have a woman/gf/wife along to "keep you in line!" Again, may not be right but that's the way I've heard it put but club/resort owners, managers and staff.

The fact that you are married and visiting with your kids and not your wife, for a first time visit, sends up a huge red flag. They don't want any implication that they were complacent and allowed this situation if something went wrong. May not be right but that's the way it is.

If I knew the real, true answers to this question and why clubs and resorts have this rule, these thoughts, these policies, I could probably, we could probably refute all their arguments and possibly make them change but most times, we won't know because their answer is, "that's just our policy."

Loves being naked. Plays well with others!



Country: USA | Posts: 2943 Go to Top of Page
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