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| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| n/a |
Posted - 04/07/2008 : 8:50:55 PM
Over the last year I have been wondering at what point does a single guy (or girl) decide to stop practicing their nudist lifestyle because it has become a hinderance to finding that special someone to spend the rest of your life with.
Six months ago, my former girlfriend gave me the ultimatum (propose or leave) and she wasn't willing to wait until I graduate from college in 2011.
However, she mentioned the biggest problem is that she was having a very difficult time dealing with my nudist lifestyle and desire to raise kids in it. I did all the important things such as listening, providing literature (Thanks AANR and Cherokee resort!) and encouraging her to take her time.
As I have looked over the last 19 years as a practicing nudist, and the number of relationships that have not ended in marriage-I have to wonder---Is it time to leave? |
| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| nudeisbetter |
Posted - 08/27/2008 : 04:49:55 AM
I could never understand how that works. Yes, my wife is the most important person in the world to me. And I am to her and she wants me to be happy - she would never force me to give up my passions for her.
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| emwavehunter |
Posted - 08/26/2008 : 7:33:18 PM
I practice the lifestyle when I can because I enjoy it. My wife doesn't participate yet (I'm encouraging her in a subtle way). She's far more important to me than a desire to enjoy this lifestyle as a couple, so I live with the limitations she imposes. I don't like it, but I live with it.
Relationships are a compromise sometimes. Only you can weigh the benefit of a relationship versus your lifestyle. I entirely gave up being a private pilot for my wife. Before we met, I was extremely passionate about flying. It's possible for me to do without being nude with her or flying with friends. Imagining life without my wife is totally impossible. Yes, she's THAT important to me. For her, I do make sacrifices. No regrets. I'd much rather be married to my textile wife than be a single, Naturist pilot (how's that for an image???).
Good luck with your situation. I wish you the best! |
| Stars Upon Thars |
Posted - 08/24/2008 : 9:27:57 PM
Oh, yes, and don't misunderstand me. I wasn't making the comment of celibacy in order to insinuate anything about the sexual or non-sexual nature of nudism. I merely meant that it's not in my blood to wait until late in life for marriage. I believe in saving sex for marriage so that's where that comes into play. I guess what I'm saying is that if I were to find that nudism were hindering my prospects in so significant a way as to prevent me from finding a bride within a reasonable period, I would have to re-consider its importance.
There are some things that I would hold onto. For instance, I am a songwriter and if I had the opportunity to go on tour and make music for a living, well that's my dream and if I had to stay single to do it than so be it. That probably won't ever happen, but it's one of the only lifestyle choices I can see making that would out-class romantic love in importance.
I'm not giving up yet (heck, I've only really started) but I want to be realistic from the get-go.
"What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today." - Phil Connors, Groundhog Day |
| nudeisntlewd |
Posted - 08/24/2008 : 3:01:38 PM
Stars Upon Thars,
I wouldn’t be discouraged by what you’ve read here. I don’t think that unstable relationships are any more or less common within the nudist circle than they are in any other segment of society.
There are plenty of nudists here who’ve been married for a long time, and plenty who are not. I’ve said before that the practice of nudism is only one aspect of a person’s personality, and each one has to weigh its merit along with every other factor. As an example, I quote NaturistDoc: “As much as I've enjoyed the various nude beaches, cruises, and resorts I've been to, I must say that if a day came when my wife told she was no longer comfortable with social nudity, I would toss my TNS card into the shredder without a qualm.” I think that's what marriage and stability are all about. Sharing interests, tempered with consideration and sometimes sacrifice. That, I’d say is love.
I was married for 28 years, and I’ve been divorced for 4. My divorce had nothing to do with nudism. To be kind and brief, it had everything to do with personality.
You mentioned that celibacy was not for you. I don’t see that as a problem. Nudism and sexuality are two different things. But I would think that given the relaxation of sexuality in today’s society, there would be more women open to the idea of enjoying nudism. If they’re more open today to sexual openness, why aren’t they more physically open? I don’t know, maybe that’s one of society’s dichotomies.
Randy |
| Stars Upon Thars |
Posted - 08/24/2008 : 05:06:06 AM
I have to admit, this thread gives me pause, because I see what could easily be myself in 18 years. At my age I'm not ready to give up my idealism, but honestly I only have a few years where I feel like I could hold onto it without making any progress. I see very few nudists who seem to have stable relationships and those who do have good relationships are, like most nudists, older. That bothers me a great deal - it's a disturbing trend that honestly makes me reevaluate whether all the rhetoric we spill is true.
I just went through a breakup of a long-term relationship. It wasn't over nudism, though it was partially over nudity in movies and such. I wasn't willing to give up what I enjoy doing and talking about for her, and at this point in my life I wouldn't for anyone. But in 5 years if I don't have any serious prospects I'm sure my priorities will change. I can't wait 'til I'm 40. A celibate man, I am not.
"What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today." - Phil Connors, Groundhog Day |
| n/a |
Posted - 04/18/2008 : 8:06:51 PM
Well to bring everyone up to speed--
I have decided not to give up being a nudist for the time being, submitted my singles ad through singlenudist.com and sent the application for AANR membership to them today.
Thanks everyone for your input, take care and be blessed.
<><
nudieandproud |
| n/a |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 4:28:58 PM
Hi Jim,
thanks for the input.
nudieandproud |
| jim19452 |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 09:59:12 AM
"One of the biggest reasons why I got involved with nudism is that nudists generally more comfortable with themselves physically and don't have the same hangups about themselves. The other reason is that this is how I would want to raise my kids so they won't have the same hangups I did growing up."
nudieandproud,
I agree, nudist are typically less concerned or unconcerned about their body than textiles. Great for pre-pubescent kids.
Best Wishes, Jim |
| n/a |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 08:56:11 AM
Hi Guys and Gals,
Thanks for the input and let me answer some of the comments;
a) Where have I been for the last 4 years-the military kept me busy, and my last command tried to force me out with a bad conduct/dishonorable discharge a year short of my retirement (they didn't win)
b) I am 40 years old-not 19 y/o
c) Significant other-don't have one, she left about six months ago and stated nudism was the biggest reason.
The one thing I have started is put an ad on singlenudist.com and waiting for them to reply to my message regarding signing up for AANR via their group since their ability to pay online isn't working right now.
One of the biggest reasons why I got involved with nudism is that nudists generally more comfortable with themselves physically and don't have the same hangups about themselves. The other reason is that this is how I would want to raise my kids so they won't have the same hangups I did growing up. |
| Nudony |
Posted - 04/13/2008 : 11:44:51 PM
It seems like some of the posts here are being misread (either that or I totally missed it):
To Whitey:
I think nurserobin was actually saying that she would drop a man if his desire to continue the relationship hinged on nudist participation; not that she would drop a man if he refused to participate.
To nurserobin:
Nudiandproud is talking about leaving nudism; not leaving his current S/O.
I think the topic brings us back to the old question: "What exactly does constitute an irreconcilable difference?" And well, the answer is different for everyone. It's easy to throw the book at someone who leaves his/her S/O because of nudism, or obesity, or bad breath, or refusal to take part in whatever lifestyle choice. It challenges our romantic notions of "unconditional love" and taps into our fears of getting dumped over what we may perceive to be a trivial issue. But the retort I would propose is: "Trivial issue for whom?" I think that entering or pursuing a relationship with someone and disregarding his/her proclivities as being trivial is ultimately an act of direspect. By the way, I have talked to some of my female friends over the years; and most admitted that they would at least try nudism if their S/O showed a sincere desire in them participating. So I disagree that most women would outright dismiss the idea.
That being said, and in all fairness, it would equally be disrespectful for someone to force nudism on their S/O as a relationship dealbreaker. In all cases, the issues should be discussed, ideas exchanged and communication plentiful before even considering leaving nudism or leaving the person. Then, and only then, should the "irreconcilable difference" factor be explored.
"I'd drop nudism in a heartbeat for my soulmate." Easier for some than others. For the occasional beachgoer: undoubtebly easier. For someone who has nudist friends, a nudist home, membership at a resort: probably not so easy. And again, one has to believe that there is someone out there that will make everything alright; that will "complete" you, so to speak. So much so that you'll have no problem dropping all your habits and proclivities for that one person. Interesting romantic notion... |
| nurserobin |
Posted - 04/13/2008 : 12:25:45 PM
First of all, it's a choice of whether or not to WEAR CLOTHING, not give up air, food, career, first born....but to pass up the one you love because you want to do something like not wear clothing? There's not a woman I know that will even consider going to a nude beach for one reason or another so this fellow's romance pool is extremely limited and he is probably going to be a very lonely guy if he feels he can't find that rare woman that will accept this condition.
Secondly...who's the one pushing a condition? I believe both parties are placing conditions here and it seems to me if you can't consider giving up nudity and she can't consider participating (which, by the way is the majority of women), and you can't accept a middle ground and are willing to end it because of the nudity issue... the romance is doomed to begin with.
I feel finding a soul mate is tough enough and if I found a man that wasn't willing to be nude that I truly connected with...I'd be clothes shopping the next day. I enjoy the nude beach but it's a nice way to spend time - I don't define my life by it and guess I don't understand what seems to be almost a biologic imperative with some people to pursue it...!
quote:
Originally posted by whitey100
quote:
Originally posted by nurserobin
Let's see now....be a nudist and alone or spend the rest of my life with the one I love....? I would have to say if my man had to think twice about wanting to either take his clothes off or be my love...I would dump him in a heart beat anyway...
A comment like this really makes my teeth ache! Simply because I love my wife, I would never even think about giving her an ultimatum about dropping something that means a lot to her---and she would never think about forcing a change in me.
Frankly, if nurserobin were to say that to me, I'd respond with "That type of comment shows that your love for me isn't unconditional, but conditional, so ....let me help you start packing".
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| Balto Bob |
Posted - 04/13/2008 : 11:04:04 AM
First, where have you been the last 4 years? Second, while I understand you reasons for waiting to start a family (I have a son in law in the Navy). Time is not on your side. Unless you are able to find a much younger woman, anyone you date is going to want children NOW (that biological clock thing). I wouldn't give up just yet. Good luck!!
Bob
Have a nice NUDE day !! |
| whitey100 |
Posted - 04/12/2008 : 11:21:20 AM
quote:
Originally posted by nurserobin
Let's see now....be a nudist and alone or spend the rest of my life with the one I love....? I would have to say if my man had to think twice about wanting to either take his clothes off or be my love...I would dump him in a heart beat anyway...
A comment like this really makes my teeth ache! Simply because I love my wife, I would never even think about giving her an ultimatum about dropping something that means a lot to her---and she would never think about forcing a change in me.
Frankly, if nurserobin were to say that to me, I'd respond with "That type of comment shows that your love for me isn't unconditional, but conditional, so ....let me help you start packing". |
| catbird |
Posted - 04/10/2008 : 2:08:06 PM
When the right woman comes along, she will accept you as you are.
Naturally, Catbird |
| GrayWolf |
Posted - 04/09/2008 : 7:36:42 PM
What happens to this discussion if you substitute the word(s) ride horses, sail, jog, race cars, sky dive, play bridge, square dance, etc etc for the word nude/nudist? All can be deal breakers in a relationship. All are something that people do that they presumably REALLY enjoy and that activity has become a part of who they are. We all know that life is so much better if you embrace your friend /spouse in all that they are and if they do the same with you. So, can you give up some of those things to become what the other person wants - sure. Can you ask your significant other to give them up to become what you want - sure. Should you? |
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