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n/a
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 Posted - 04/07/2008 : 8:50:55 PM
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Over the last year I have been wondering at what point does a single guy (or girl) decide to stop practicing their nudist lifestyle because it has become a hinderance to finding that special someone to spend the rest of your life with.
Six months ago, my former girlfriend gave me the ultimatum (propose or leave) and she wasn't willing to wait until I graduate from college in 2011.
However, she mentioned the biggest problem is that she was having a very difficult time dealing with my nudist lifestyle and desire to raise kids in it. I did all the important things such as listening, providing literature (Thanks AANR and Cherokee resort!) and encouraging her to take her time.
As I have looked over the last 19 years as a practicing nudist, and the number of relationships that have not ended in marriage-I have to wonder---Is it time to leave?
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Cheri
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Posted - 04/07/2008 : 10:19:59 PM
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When I was single living in Oklahoma, I had a difficult time finding a man who was a nudist as well as someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and had a heck of a time. At one point, I was almost willing to give up my lifestyle. (I did that for my first husband - big mistake). I finally stopped looking for a relationship and just enjoyed the friendships. My best friend became my husband. Happily, he was also a nudist. I finally found my soulmate at age 46. It was worth waiting for.
Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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GrayWolf
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Posted - 04/08/2008 : 11:44:51 AM
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At 19 I wouldn't panic. Nudist is a part of who you are. Just like religion, politics, how you treat others etc etc. Cheri's got it right, find a friend who shares (almost) all of your traits and go from there. Worked for us. Met each other in early 30's and still happily married 27 years later. She bought her first pair of jeans after meeting me. I went to concerts. She started camping. I went on big city vacations. We've built two houses without a divorce. Raised kids from earlier marriages. And been nudists all the time. Now if I could just convert her to my political party........
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cmichael
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Posted - 04/08/2008 : 1:14:28 PM
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I agree with GrayWolf. No need to panic. In my opinion, 19 is young and nobody has the right to try and change what you enjoy...it's part of who and what you are. Good Luck.
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Diger
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Posted - 04/08/2008 : 1:26:12 PM
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OPPS, I was like GreyWolf thinking you were 19, but I see you are 40yo. That would make me think things over also. But on the other hand it's a part of who you are. How can you turn your back on something you love so much. I couldn't, but that's easy for me to say. I'm 50 and my wife and I grew into this life together. That's why you'll have to answer this for your self.
Good Luck
Diger
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nudeisntlewd
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 Posted - 04/08/2008 : 2:27:21 PM
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To me, being asked to stop being a nudist is kind of like someone telling me to no longer have blue eyes. I could get colored contacts, but it wouldn’t be who I am. Besides, I like my blue eyes.
Ask yourself if the one you are considering is more or less important than the nudist aspect of your life. It is only one aspect of your life and happiness. How big a one it is, only you can know. Ask yourselves what and how big of sacrifices you are willing to make for each other and if those sacrifices would diminish your happiness or if they may become sources of resentment in the future, or if they may actually strengthen your feelings for each other as you show caring for the other in your choices.
Having said that, there has to be give and take in a marriage or any enduring relationship. But if someone feels they have to change so big a part of who and what you are, is she the right one? On the reverse, if you cannot live with her life choice, are you the right one for her?
I don't want to try and persuade you to, or dissuade you from, the biggest decision of your life. You will need to find the balance of interests and behaviors that will satisfy both you and a prospective spouse's happiness best.
Best of luck to you!
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Edited by - nudeisntlewd on 04/08/2008 2:30:08 PM |
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NaturistDoc
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Posted - 04/09/2008 : 11:23:54 AM
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As much as I've enjoyed the various nude beaches, cruises, and resorts I've been to, I must say that if a day came when my wife told she was no longer comfortable with social nudity, I would toss my TNS card into the shredder without a qualm. Of course I would try to learn her reasons for the change of heart, and I would regret no longer having that aspect of my life. But there is no way in the world I would sacrifice my relationship with my wife on the altar of "the nudist lifestyle". It's just not that important to me. Perhaps that makes me "not a true nudist". I've always regarded nudism as something I DO, not something I AM. The idea of requiring participation in an admittedly fringe activity like social nudity as a condition for continuing a relationship strikes me as a little ... self-indulgent?
I expect a certain amount of blowback from some of the NRO regulars, and I certainly understand the counter-argument that "nudism is a big part of who I am, and a potential mate should be able to accept it" yada yada yada. I get it. All I'm saying is, if you meet 'Ms. Right', the perfect woman other than being textile, I would think about it for a long time before telling her to strip down or shove off.
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nudeisntlewd
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Posted - 04/09/2008 : 11:53:58 AM
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Doc's right. The wife better be the most important thing, and you should be her most important thing. I just think it's prudent to know if you can accept doing without this or that before you make any big leaps-to or away.
Maybe ask yourself: Is this a big part of my personality, or just something I really enjoy doing.
(Doc, if you enjoy the lifestyle, you are a nudist. You define yourself, no-one else does!)
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Edited by - nudeisntlewd on 04/09/2008 11:59:19 AM |
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nurserobin
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Posted - 04/09/2008 : 5:29:29 PM
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Let's see now....be a nudist and alone or spend the rest of my life with the one I love....? I would have to say if my man had to think twice about wanting to either take his clothes off or be my love...I would dump him in a heart beat anyway...
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Nudony
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Posted - 04/09/2008 : 7:17:01 PM
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It's a tricky one...
Four or five years ago, my wife, after yet another argument, told me: "Run around naked; that's all you ever want to do! That's it. I'm done with it. Don't ever talk to me again about "social nudity"." She might have well pushed me in front of a tractor-trailer doing 90 mph. I initially blamed myself; perhaps I pushed to hard. But then, I realized that it was not about me. It was an exercise in manipulation; she wanted me to abandon nudism because it no longer fit her idea of a middle class suburban lifestyle. And she wanted me to fit into an image that I couldn't possibly fulfill. "Conventional", I am anything but.
Our marriage didn't make it. It wasn't the nudism, which was merely an instrument; it was the control issues. Trying to change who I am. This is quite different from the spouse who has a genuine issue with nudism or being socially nude. If the spouse's goal is to get you to quit being a nudist, i.e change you, then it is about control. Which is another way of saying: "I don't like who you are; I want you to change." Such situations tend to lead to toxic relationships. Toxic relationships rarely ever have happy endings. Wisdom is knowing and understanding the difference between nudity issues and control issues.
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GrayWolf
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Posted - 04/09/2008 : 7:36:42 PM
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What happens to this discussion if you substitute the word(s) ride horses, sail, jog, race cars, sky dive, play bridge, square dance, etc etc for the word nude/nudist? All can be deal breakers in a relationship. All are something that people do that they presumably REALLY enjoy and that activity has become a part of who they are. We all know that life is so much better if you embrace your friend /spouse in all that they are and if they do the same with you. So, can you give up some of those things to become what the other person wants - sure. Can you ask your significant other to give them up to become what you want - sure. Should you?
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catbird
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Posted - 04/10/2008 : 2:08:06 PM
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When the right woman comes along, she will accept you as you are.
Naturally, Catbird
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whitey100
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Posted - 04/12/2008 : 11:21:20 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by nurserobin
Let's see now....be a nudist and alone or spend the rest of my life with the one I love....? I would have to say if my man had to think twice about wanting to either take his clothes off or be my love...I would dump him in a heart beat anyway...
A comment like this really makes my teeth ache! Simply because I love my wife, I would never even think about giving her an ultimatum about dropping something that means a lot to her---and she would never think about forcing a change in me.
Frankly, if nurserobin were to say that to me, I'd respond with "That type of comment shows that your love for me isn't unconditional, but conditional, so ....let me help you start packing".
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Balto Bob
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Posted - 04/13/2008 : 11:04:04 AM
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First, where have you been the last 4 years? Second, while I understand you reasons for waiting to start a family (I have a son in law in the Navy). Time is not on your side. Unless you are able to find a much younger woman, anyone you date is going to want children NOW (that biological clock thing). I wouldn't give up just yet. Good luck!!
Bob
Have a nice NUDE day !!
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nurserobin
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Posted - 04/13/2008 : 12:25:45 PM
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First of all, it's a choice of whether or not to WEAR CLOTHING, not give up air, food, career, first born....but to pass up the one you love because you want to do something like not wear clothing? There's not a woman I know that will even consider going to a nude beach for one reason or another so this fellow's romance pool is extremely limited and he is probably going to be a very lonely guy if he feels he can't find that rare woman that will accept this condition.
Secondly...who's the one pushing a condition? I believe both parties are placing conditions here and it seems to me if you can't consider giving up nudity and she can't consider participating (which, by the way is the majority of women), and you can't accept a middle ground and are willing to end it because of the nudity issue... the romance is doomed to begin with.
I feel finding a soul mate is tough enough and if I found a man that wasn't willing to be nude that I truly connected with...I'd be clothes shopping the next day. I enjoy the nude beach but it's a nice way to spend time - I don't define my life by it and guess I don't understand what seems to be almost a biologic imperative with some people to pursue it...!
quote:
Originally posted by whitey100
quote:
Originally posted by nurserobin
Let's see now....be a nudist and alone or spend the rest of my life with the one I love....? I would have to say if my man had to think twice about wanting to either take his clothes off or be my love...I would dump him in a heart beat anyway...
A comment like this really makes my teeth ache! Simply because I love my wife, I would never even think about giving her an ultimatum about dropping something that means a lot to her---and she would never think about forcing a change in me.
Frankly, if nurserobin were to say that to me, I'd respond with "That type of comment shows that your love for me isn't unconditional, but conditional, so ....let me help you start packing".
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Nudony
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Posted - 04/13/2008 : 11:44:51 PM
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It seems like some of the posts here are being misread (either that or I totally missed it):
To Whitey:
I think nurserobin was actually saying that she would drop a man if his desire to continue the relationship hinged on nudist participation; not that she would drop a man if he refused to participate.
To nurserobin:
Nudiandproud is talking about leaving nudism; not leaving his current S/O.
I think the topic brings us back to the old question: "What exactly does constitute an irreconcilable difference?" And well, the answer is different for everyone. It's easy to throw the book at someone who leaves his/her S/O because of nudism, or obesity, or bad breath, or refusal to take part in whatever lifestyle choice. It challenges our romantic notions of "unconditional love" and taps into our fears of getting dumped over what we may perceive to be a trivial issue. But the retort I would propose is: "Trivial issue for whom?" I think that entering or pursuing a relationship with someone and disregarding his/her proclivities as being trivial is ultimately an act of direspect. By the way, I have talked to some of my female friends over the years; and most admitted that they would at least try nudism if their S/O showed a sincere desire in them participating. So I disagree that most women would outright dismiss the idea.
That being said, and in all fairness, it would equally be disrespectful for someone to force nudism on their S/O as a relationship dealbreaker. In all cases, the issues should be discussed, ideas exchanged and communication plentiful before even considering leaving nudism or leaving the person. Then, and only then, should the "irreconcilable difference" factor be explored.
"I'd drop nudism in a heartbeat for my soulmate." Easier for some than others. For the occasional beachgoer: undoubtebly easier. For someone who has nudist friends, a nudist home, membership at a resort: probably not so easy. And again, one has to believe that there is someone out there that will make everything alright; that will "complete" you, so to speak. So much so that you'll have no problem dropping all your habits and proclivities for that one person. Interesting romantic notion...
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