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SleepyGuy
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 Posted - 10/26/2004 : 3:32:46 PM
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My wife currently has a 9 y.o. daughter and 7 y.o. son (they are my step-kids). When they're at their dad's house, my wife and I frequently walk around nude, or go in the hot tub nude, etc. I don't know if we're official nudists, but neither of us likes wearing clothes, and frequently don't when the kid's aren't home. However, she's often nude in front of her kids (when she gets out of the shower or gets out of bed, getting dressed, etc.), but I think it's an unspoken "rule" that I can't walk around nude in front of them. I once told her it wasn't fair that she gets to and I can't.
I don't believe in indoctrinating kids into thinking that nudity=bad, but these aren't my kids (they still take baths together and such, and it doesn't seem like a big deal).
Now, both kids have been nude in front of me quite often, and it's no big deal (changing, bathing, etc.), although my stepson covers up his "boys" in front of me (but not in front of his mom). My stepdaughter has no problems changing in front of me, etc.
However, my question is since they're not my kids, am I obligated to hide my nudist tendencies around them, even though my wife can be nude in front of them? My concerns are them going back to their dad's house and saying something that might sound inappropriate, even if we were all casually hanging out together.
I'm not sure how my wife feels about this topic...not an easy thing to bring up, even though she's very open about nudity (I do a lot of photography, some with artistic nudes). ANyone have any thoughts on what i could do to discuss this openly between all of us?
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Cheri
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/27/2004 : 09:42:48 AM
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SleepyGuy,
Do the children have contact w/their biological father? If so, I'd walk very gingerly about being nude in front of the children. Your wife can lose custody if it becomes an issue.
I wish you well,
Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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STRETCH
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Posted - 10/27/2004 : 10:04:55 AM
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SleepyGuy, Cheri's correct about walking gingerly/trodding carefully with the nudity in front of the step-kids. The mom doing it probably's been done right along. The biological father might have been doing it as well prior to the divorce. This is something that needs to discussed with your mate to get her point of view. I hope all goes well!
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SleepyGuy
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Posted - 10/27/2004 : 12:00:26 PM
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Yeah, the kids go to their dad's house every week, and I'm not sure how things are at his house. My wife has been nude in front of them from day 1 and it's no big deal...neither of the kids act any differently in front of her. The most I do around them is walk around in my skivvies. :) But what is the right age to give children the freedom to decide what they can wear (or not wear)? And is it okay for biological parents to practive nudism in front of their kids?
Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation.
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Cheri
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/27/2004 : 7:15:11 PM
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It's perfectly fine children of all ages to interact with their parents in a nudist setting. At home that would be their mother's decision.
Briefs are not appropriate attire for interaction with children. Underwear and lingerie are definitely not nudist and not g-rated as nudism is.
Regards, Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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SleepyGuy
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Posted - 10/28/2004 : 10:04:45 AM
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quote:
Briefs are not appropriate attire for interaction with children. Underwear and lingerie are definitely not nudist and not g-rated as nudism is.
Maybe I should clarify...I don't walk around the house all the time in my underwear...it's usually when I wake up, getting ready for a shower, etc. But I don't understand how being in my underwear for a brief time (no pun intended) could be considered "inappropriate", but being nude is not?
I think you may be sending a mixed message, because that doesn't make any sense to me. Are you saying that underwear is covering certain areas that tell people it's wrong to show, and is therefore creating the idea that it's wrong to show those areas? If so, then it's no different than wearing a bathing suit. I've see kid rated TV shows or PG movies occasionally that show men or women (or kids) in their underwear/boxers (or even show a rear end), and I don't hear people in an uproar over it....but you say it's more "g-rated" to be nude than in your underwear?
The way I take what you explained is that if I can't be nude if I want to be (because kids are home, or whatever), I should be completely covered up? Maybe I'm just not understanding what you meant.
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Cheri
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/28/2004 : 10:27:28 AM
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Underwear is not nudist, it's not family-oriented, it just is something that isn't polite to wear around others.
At nudist venues, definitely not allowed. Underwear can seem provocative.
Just my 2 cents.
Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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SleepyGuy
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Posted - 10/28/2004 : 5:43:07 PM
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Not to sound rude, Cheri, but I think that kind of mindset gives nudists a bad name. Underwear covers more than many bathing suits, but you say it can be provocative? And nudism isn't? Do you see my argument here?
Nude is OK, but underwear is provocative? A thong bathing suit is designed to be provocative, but those are OK...but don't wear your underwear in front of others?
I don't know if all nudists share your opinion/view on that, but that just sounds a little cuckoo to me...sorry. No offense, but as someone trying to understand nudism and want to participate in the lifestyle, those kind of thoughts worry me.
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Edited by - SleepyGuy on 10/28/2004 5:43:55 PM |
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Cheri
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Posted - 10/29/2004 : 10:13:31 AM
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Nude is NOT provocative, it's the underwear/lingerie that is and that is what I'm talking about.
Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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Ketchummaine
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/30/2004 : 07:27:02 AM
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Cheri,
I understand your statement about lingerie, and some underwear (thongs, etc), but normal men's breifs and boxers are not provocative in my opinion. I think that Sleepyguy is correct in his assessment. Following your logic, ANYTHING that covers the pubic region is provocative. This would include lingerie, underwear, swimwear, and even long & short pants. While I agree that nude is best (except for utility and warmth), I need some convincing on the clothing is inherantly provocative issue. Please educate me.
Have a GREAT day!
Kevin
"Real Maine Nudists Skinnydip April to November"
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Cheri
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Posted - 10/30/2004 : 10:14:32 AM
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Men's briefs (jockeys) don't belong in a nudist setting. Some boxers don't look anything other than shorts and that would be okay.
I remember hearing my mother say to my dad, it's not polite to wear your underwear to the dinner table.
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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Ketchummaine
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Posted - 10/30/2004 : 1:15:02 PM
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I thought the discussion was about a home setting. I'm confused.
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Bob S.
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Posted - 11/02/2004 : 01:14:20 AM
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SleepyGuy,
You need to talk with your wife about being naked with the family. As it is right now, all three are practicing nudists. Do you know the status of their father? For all you know, he may also be a nudist. These children have no problem being naked around their mother or you. Until you can express the nature of your wife's reticence as well as of the father's feelings on this, we can't really provide you with any real help.
As for the underwear "controversy", underwear is, as its name implies, meant to be worn under the clothes and not seen. A lot of nudist parks (I would venture to say most of them) do not allow underwear to be worn as outerwear. Now while I see whrere Cheri is coming from with this, she needs to keep in mind we are not talking about nudist settings, but home settings. What's unacceptable at nudist settings may be fine in the home. There is nothing wrong with walking around the house in just underwear.
Bob S.
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papabare
Forum Member
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Posted - 11/13/2004 : 10:28:54 PM
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Ok responding to both issues brought up here,
First the on topic one ;)
My ex (before she was my ex) and I had alot of talks about the nudism thing before we ever moved in together. I still stayed in shorts for the first few months because the family I moved into wasnt a 'naturist' house before we moved in together. Like your household, nudity was regular between the kids and mom, and the kids would change/bathe/etc together and around me no issues, but I was the new person in the situation. We talked to one of the biological fathers (other is not in the picture) before bringing the naturist values and thoughts into the home. (Ok that sounds like we were bringing religion into the house, but you know what I really mean). Even after we split up and one of my steps came with me aswell as my biological child, we are still naturists and everyone knows.
I would talk with the mother, and I would bring up talking to the biological father aswell before hand. You really shouldnt hide it from him because then it will look much worse.
Now with my ex's PARENTS they dont know, because of many religous reasons (I know, we really dont need to bring up the whole religion and naturist arguements here, just go with it ), but everyone else does.
NOW As for the Underwear argument,
Cheri, I grew up in a non-naturist but body image friendly and body friendly family. I lived with my mother and grandmother. I remember Many dinners, and most of my life, living in underwear. I think my mother could have been a nudist if she had been exposed to it before (Still trying to get her to come visit a few places with the rest of the family so she can meet all the nice single nudists out there, she still wont do it). In our household wearing underwear was comfortable, as close to nude as was availabble. We are not talking Thongs or Teadies or anything here, we are talking normal whitie tighties or normal bra and panties (Ok mom and gramma wore those). Aint nuthin sexy about seeing someone in big gramma underwear or holey underwear. I dont se ean issue wearing underwear around the house, even a nudist house. Families should be comfortable with everyone elses underwear. Now if it was DIRTY underwear I can understand that. We still wear underwear around the house sometimes, for various reasons.
Now I agree to a point on the resort wearing, but what about women who need to wear em at certian times? Actually I remember a few dances and parties that were underwear or sleepwear parties. Nothing provocative, unless you were LOOKING for provocative. Kids to grannparents were at the hops. All fun, no weirdness.
I can understand if you have grownup with anti-underwear issues, but we as nudists should be able to see the person for who they are, not what they are or are not wearing.
Unless its crotchless underwear :D
--------------------
Live Body Proud, Live Clothes Free
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STRETCH
Forum Member
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Posted - 11/14/2004 : 09:52:24 AM
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That's why America is so great - the right to agree or disagree with whom for whatever. In my eyes everyone's opinion on this topic appears to be correct in their own way. Nudity is a way of life for some and not others. Those wearing your basic underwear within the appropriate setting of an established boundry or home envirnment, may be or may not be appropriate depending on how they're being worn and or displayed within certain situations. As for me being new to this way life I agree with most of what Cheri says. On the other hand I also agree with alot of what all you others have stated either in agreement or in a rebuttal. The way I see it, you can't always do what you want when you want to do it. There are times when both nudity and undergarments would be inappropriate. Believe it or not some of our laws dictate what we can and can't do for the safe and well being of others as well as ourselves. As a retired criminal justice offical within my state I ( because of who I had to deal with as "social misfits and devients") had to learn first hand why such laws exist and continued to learn throughout my 20 plus years within the system. Maybe I'm wrong with what I'm about to say, but being either fully nude or fully clothed when or where designated are the same in context. Wearing undergarments may or may not be appropriate in any setting other than a health or bodily constraint factor. Even in my lifetime I've said undergarments and bathing suits look the same, they are not! We all know the what's and why's of bathing suits and where they're worn as well as when. We also know the same about the various undergarments and their meanings - they are not same! So you see everything has their own place within their own settings at their own times for their own reasons! Like I said we all have our own opinions and have that right to convey such.
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SleepyGuy
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/27/2004 : 01:07:52 AM
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Thanks again everyone that replied (and sorry I haven't responded in so long).
Talking to the biological father of the kids is kind of out of the question. He's a moron and it's like talking to a brick wall. Plus, if the topic was brought up, he'd probably try to use it against us in court to have the kids taken away so they could live with him. He's not someone you can communicate with. If your way is cheaper or better, it doesn't matter because it's not his way so it's wrong.
That being said, I would imagine I'm the lone one that has to stifle my tendancies because we cannot settle the lifestyle issue (or even bring it up) with the kids' father.
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What is appropriate with young step-kids around?
