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mjasp
New Member
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 Posted - 03/18/2008 : 7:32:42 PM
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Hi folks, I'm new here. I started going to this little c/o place (sauna/steam) in Portland recently and I really like it. The people are friendly and there seems to be a mix of guys/gals and it's quiet and relaxing. This is new for me, but I am comfortable with it as I knew I would be. I'm anxious for the new Common ground tubs to open and found a tub place in vancouver that I want to go to and I plan to visit Restful Haven this summer (finally). I mentioned the tubs to my wife and she responded with "so would you have sex with another couple"? So there it was, the deeply ingrained association of nudity with sex right in my face. I told her that it is possible and OK to be naked without having sex, but I don't think she gets that.
Pretty much whenever I am naked around my house or on my back deck without a "justifiable" reason such as bathing, she asks "why are you naked"? I always respond - because I don't have any clothes on. To her, there has to be a reason for nudity, to me there has to be a reason to get dressed.
She joined me once on the deck, but otherwise no go, she won't even sleep naked.
Is there any hope of having her join me? We've talked about it in the past as well, She's uncomfortable with her body and being seen and what others will think.
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Balto Bob
$ Supporter
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Posted - 03/19/2008 : 1:40:07 PM
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GO TO SEARCH. PUT IN "WIFE". Change SEARCH IN to Subject Only. You will find several threads with good advise. GOOD LUCK
Bob
Have a nice NUDE day !!
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catbird
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/19/2008 : 1:43:15 PM
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There are several threads on this topic. Some may in in another category. Cruise the various categories to look for similar threads.
This is a very common situation. That is nude without nude partner.
Offhand, I would advise don't harp on it with your wife, because that would turn her off to the idea.
Naturally, Catbird
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FireProf
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/19/2008 : 4:48:07 PM
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"Is there hope for her joining me?"
In a word...Yes...but................
You'll have to get through or TO the root of what exactly is her issue with non sexual nudity.
Many, many women have body acceptance issues and some deep seeded teachings and philosophies about being naked. Now couple that with becoming a nudist and venturing into the social nude scene........you're gonna have trouble convincing these women that's it's okay and there's nothing sexual going on at clubs or resorts.
Your first and foremost objective is to talk, talk and talk somemore about just being naked together. If she's having problems with even sleeping naked, with you...her husband, then you need to find out why this is an issue.
The trust factor between a couple in nudism is paramount. She has to trust you, believe what you say and you have to follow what you say without deviation. Let me explain....If you say that there's such a thing as non sexual nudity, then you must follow that when and if she decides to join you at home. If you have mens magazines around or look at adult related internet sites........get rid of them and stop surfing these sites.
You need to compliment you wife and build up her self esteem and body acceptance. What's most important is opening the lines of communication and talk honestly and candidly about being naked together in a non sexual way.
Going to nudist venues without your wife is also going to be a deal breaker. The only way I've seen this work and not sure if it really, really does work but the only way is if she's gone with you before and decided for herself it's not for her and she gives you her blessing to go ahead and go by yourself.
Good luck and dig down deep for all the patience you can muster.
FP
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sailawaybob
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/20/2008 : 7:55:51 PM
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I remarried four years ago to a non-nudist, who over the years has become what I define as a closet - back porch nudist, she sleeps most of the time nude or bottomless and when warm enought will go nude in our pool. This year I hope to get her to Apollo beach, I know once there she won't want to leave. Over the years I noticed that most - not all women seem to have hang ups about their bodies, probably from peer pressure growing up or from all these made up movie stars and models.It takes alot of time to convert a non-nudist because I think a lot of people think when everyone gets naked together its going to be a orgy or something porographic.I have been a nudist for years and haven't yet seen any orgy's when I went to a nudist gathering.
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mjasp
New Member
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Posted - 03/21/2008 : 09:44:39 AM
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Some good information here - thanks... So, I asked my wife if it would be OK if I went to the tub place to check it out. There is a good amount of trust and she doesn't mind if I go do things on my own. She asked to see the website and said to go check it, so I did. I'm not about to harp on it and constantly talk about being naked together or I know she will become irritated and put off further about the whole thing. I told her that it is indeed a clothing optional place and she could wear a suit, some do, but most folks don't wear anything. She is also worried about who might see me naked. My thoughts for her were that I don't have any unique body part that everyone on the planet hasn't already seen before. I told her that there is no "funny stuff" and if there was, you'd get your a$$ kicked out really fast and not welcomed back. My guess at this point - if I mentioned that we go on Saturday, she might be up for it and I think once she goes and sees what is up she will be ok with it. I will also mention that she could bring a friend to help with her fears. Wish me luck.
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agde
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/21/2008 : 1:31:31 PM
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mjasp, hope your wife enjoys and has a good first experience!
As you may have discovered via the other threads, Cheri has written an interesting woman's perspective note that you may want to show your wife. And of course AANR also has information from a woman's perspective.
A quick thought -- what many women especially enjoy about naturism is that it is in fact the opposite of "being seen by or seeing other people naked" and instead about getting a chance to relax and enjoy a break from all the usual body image and gender worries.
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Edited by - agde on 03/21/2008 1:35:48 PM |
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Chuchon
New Member
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Posted - 05/23/2008 : 12:03:59 AM
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Give your wife time, and more time, and more time. It did happen to me too. I started social nudity at local resorts on my own, and after 2 or 3 summers, I invited her to join me and initially she kept a bathing suit, then the top came off, then the bottom came off. Now it is just natural that we sunbathe nude, the real way, the way it is suppossed to be done, or jum in the pool or the hot tub. Keep your hopes up, don't get discouraged. Be patient, and somehow work on building her self esteem with daily compliments etc. in a way that she feels reassured that physical appearance must be taken over by body acceptance. Once in the resort, other females talking to you as a couple can make things easier for her. Good luck
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The Natural One
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/24/2008 : 2:26:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mjasp
Hi folks, I'm new here. I started going to this little c/o place (sauna/steam) in Portland recently and I really like it. The people are friendly and there seems to be a mix of guys/gals and it's quiet and relaxing. This is new for me, but I am comfortable with it as I knew I would be. I'm anxious for the new Common ground tubs to open and found a tub place in vancouver that I want to go to and I plan to visit Restful Haven this summer (finally). I mentioned the tubs to my wife and she responded with "so would you have sex with another couple"? So there it was, the deeply ingrained association of nudity with sex right in my face. I told her that it is possible and OK to be naked without having sex, but I don't think she gets that.
Pretty much whenever I am naked around my house or on my back deck without a "justifiable" reason such as bathing, she asks "why are you naked"? I always respond - because I don't have any clothes on. To her, there has to be a reason for nudity, to me there has to be a reason to get dressed.
She joined me once on the deck, but otherwise no go, she won't even sleep naked.
Is there any hope of having her join me? We've talked about it in the past as well, She's uncomfortable with her body and being seen and what others will think.
Hi, This is my first time here and I want to say hello from sunny Colorado. I am Catching rays on my back porch right now. I love being
nude also, but my wife does not understand it. She used to lay out nude with my daughter, but now does not even sleep nude. Times are changing and I do not think for the better. She now gives me a hard time when I am nude and I pretty much have something on tell she goes to bed, then my clothes come off right away. I wish I could get her to loosen up a bit. I have not been to a nude beach etc. but would love to someday. Part of my family knows about my of Naturisim but not all. It looks like it is pretty much public information now. (WOW)
Feels good in the nude in Colorado and now I need to cool off with the hose, and put my computer away. I write music and some songs have been about this subject. ( I want to share
with the world soon.)
[edited to place quote]
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Edited by - Moderator on 08/24/2008 4:31:05 PM |
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Country: USA
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thornapplebison
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/24/2008 : 10:46:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mjasp
I mentioned the tubs to my wife and she responded with "so would you have sex with another couple"? So there it was, the deeply ingrained association of nudity with sex right in my face. I told her that it is possible and OK to be naked without having sex, but I don't think she gets that.
How did you answer her question?
Women know their men. If she can ask you that question, you should give her a one word answer without hesitation. That's the sort of question that opens and closes doors, and not always the ones you're thinking of.
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Diger
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/25/2008 : 07:04:27 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by sailawaybob
I remarried four years ago to a non-nudist, who over the years has become what I define as a closet - back porch nudist, she sleeps most of the time nude or bottomless and when warm enought will go nude in our pool. This year I hope to get her to Apollo beach, I know once there she won't want to leave. Over the years I noticed that most - not all women seem to have hang ups about their bodies, probably from peer pressure growing up or from all these made up movie stars and models.It takes alot of time to convert a non-nudist because I think a lot of people think when everyone gets naked together its going to be a orgy or something porographic.I have been a nudist for years and haven't yet seen any orgy's when I went to a nudist gathering.
Sailawaybob's post should be a how to guide for everyone. Nudity should start at home then venture outside and it doesn't happen overnight. It's been 4 years for Bob and it was about the same for us.
BTW Bob, Apollo was our first nude in public experience. Good Luck, let us know how it goes.
Diger
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NudeAl
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/26/2008 : 9:32:27 PM
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mjasp,
Have you considered going to Sauvies Islands Collins beach? It is a truely lovely beach and it is near Portland. If your wife wanted to keep her suit on it would be perfectly acceptable. I would also recomend heading out to some of the clothing optional hotsprings in the area like Cougar/Terwilliger and Bagby both excellent choices. I have been to Restful Haven and found it a lovely very friendly place and so is Willametans down near Eugene. Good luck and let us know how things are going for you.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep. -- Robert Frost
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Wife has issues with nudity
