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jeanluc
Forum Member
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 Posted - 04/03/2008 : 12:56:13 AM
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I am in a quandry about circumstances over the past several weeks.
If you remember some of my other posts, my wife is not happy with my decision to be nude outside of the bathroom and bedroom.
I probably messed things up by asking some friends that invited us over for a soak in their hot-tub while discussing our trip to Hawaii if they preferred to skinnydip. I mentioned that I enjoyed it and if they did, WE would not object, though my wife would leave her suit on. They said they did not and that was ok with me
However, notice I said WE would not object. I showed my wife a copy of the e-mails that had been sent and received and she let me know that I was not to insinuate to anyone that she was comfortable with social nudity nor include her in any discussion of nudism. She also berated me for telling someone about my nudism.
What has me in a perplexed right now, though is that she and our daughter that lives with us have asked that I not be nude in front of 3 yr old grandson because - in daughters words - he might tell someone. Wife thinks it is almost child abuse, and our marriage counselor said he would have to report it if I ever told him that I was nude in front of him.
All of that has been in other topics, but what has happened this past week has given me pause. Here is the setup:
Wife and I sleep nude
We take care of grandson on weekends (him and mom live in our basement)
I get up early when he does - nude of course - and settle him in with a video and something to tide him over until breakfast, then go back to bed for a while.
I exercise with an ellipticle machine nude.
So last week, I was exercising one evening in the nude. Wife was in same room working on computer. Grandson was in same room watching TV. Grandson leaves room and wife BLASTS me for being nude in front of him. I put clothes on. He later asks me why I am wearing clothes. Wife starts ciscussion with me and daughter about my being nude around him.
Since my birthday is next week, I tell them that what I want for a present is for them to read the things I have printed about nudism, rearing a child with nudity, body shame, etc and then we would have a serious discussion on what is the best thing for him.
Although I enjoy the freedom from belts and elastic as well as all of the other things we know to be enjoyable about casual nudity, my primary reason was to help this precious little man avoid the garbage of addiction to porn and body shame that is so prevelant in today's society.
I told daughter that he is her son and she has the final say and that I would abide by that.
I fear that my days being able to be nude are close to an end. If she does not want me to be nude around him, there is little other time that I can do it, so I will probably just put it way back in the rear of the closet - so to speak.
I appreciate all of the good info that I have received while being a part of this forum. If this discussion goes the way I fear it will, I will most likely not be active here or on any other nudist forum after next week.
I will keep watching this topic and I encourage everyone to post their thoughts here for as long as you can. There are so many other people in similar situations that can learn from what you all have to offer, and if this is a way that they can get that, then I am honored to have started this.
Live - Laugh - Love
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Country: USA
| Posts: 50 |
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prism2525
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/04/2008 : 04:42:41 AM
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Firstly jeanluc, DON'T focus on how you FEAR it might go but rather focus on how WELL it might go. You'd be amazed how much difference that alone makes.
Also, ask your wife and daughter to look at things objectively (non-biased). I myself was very wary when I started to look into nudism but I decided to be open minded and I was amazed to read that the POPE doesn't object to simple nudity. If the man says it's not wrong, just shut up and let me live how I like (within reason and respecting others). However I'm a bit perplexed about how your wife is OK with sleeping in the nude but still won't dare to say she's into nudism even partially.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
"If God had intended mankind to run around naked, surely we'd have been born that way!"
oh, wait.... 
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Country: Malta
| Posts: 102 |
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txvic
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/04/2008 : 06:48:40 AM
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jeanluc,
I understand your position and I appreciate your respecting other peoples positions even though it may cramp your own intrests. However, I don't see why you have to give up completely. Ok, don't be nude in the presents of your grandson if that is your daughters wish. But don't give up on what makes you happy. You can still get Daily Naked Time in you own room. You can still visit this forum and sharing thoughts and ideas with other nudists. Just wondering. Are there any nudist venues in your area where you can spend some time with others of like mind?
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Country: USA
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jim19452
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/04/2008 : 08:48:12 AM
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jeanluc,
Cheri has post(s) that include literature on adult/child nudity. Do some searches and if you find them have wife and daughter read them. I understand www.aanr.com also has some.
Best Wishes, Jim
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Country: USA
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cmichael
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Posted - 04/04/2008 : 09:09:31 AM
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It would seem better not to invite problems by having someone report child abuse. It is the dumbest thing. but it sounds as if you can't change them. Better that you should enjoy your personal choices without anyone interfering. So sorry for the situation.
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Country: USA
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prism2525
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/04/2008 : 3:31:26 PM
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You might want them to read this article: http://www.[deleted re: photos of minors].com/free/nude-beach-family-nudism.html
I found it very thought provoking and 100% true.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
"If God had intended mankind to run around naked, surely we'd have been born that way!"
oh, wait....
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Edited by - prism2525 on 04/04/2008 3:33:27 PM |
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Country: Malta
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Cheri
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/04/2008 : 5:21:19 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by jim19452
jeanluc,
Cheri has post(s) that include literature on adult/child nudity. Do some searches and if you find them have wife and daughter read them. I understand www.aanr.com also has some.
Best Wishes, Jim
Here's the listing of the Journal Articles and such:
Marilyn Story, in the Journal of Psychology, Vol. 118, first Half,
Sept. 1984 "Comparisons of Body Self-Concept between Social Nudists & Nonnudists"
Marilyn Story, in Jour. of Social Psychology, 1979, 108, 49-56 "Factors
Associated w/More Positive Body Self-Concepts in Preschool children"
Robin Lewis & Louis Janda, in The Relationship Between Adult Sexual
Adjustment & Childhood Experiences Regarding Exposure to Nudity,
Sleeping in the Parental Bed, &Parental Attitudes Toward Sexuality, Arch. of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 17, No.4, 1988
Marilyn Story in "A Comparison of Social Nudists & Non-nudists on
Experience w/Various Sexual Outlets" Journ. of Sex Research, Vol. 23, No. 2, pp
197-211, May 1987
Mary S. Calderone, M.D., in "The Family Book About Sexuality," states:
" ... with very young children accustomed from the beginning to nudity in
themselves and their parents, a great deal is taken for granted, and it
doesn't seem to be much of an issue to them. What nudity does is make it
easy for children to become absolutely certain about just how men and
women are made. This knowledge is of great importance in assuring the child of his or her own correct gender. The differences in body states and sizes - and in body organs - can then be taken for granted and will provide an accurate image of how they themselves, or the opposite sex, will look when grown up. Children whose parents feel at ease in such natural events as stepping out of the shower, toweling, and walking back to their room to dress are fortunate."
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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Country: USA
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jeanluc
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/07/2008 : 2:02:05 PM
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I really appreciate the responses to my situation from all of you. I guess I have probably put myself in this mess by just one day deciding that I wanted my grandson to have the best opportunity to grow up without the body shame that I have seen so many people have - including some in my immediate family.
I have discusses some of this in a post about a shrink that insinuated he would have to report me if he knew I was nude around any child including my own grandson due to his being a "Mandated Reporter".
However I decided that I would just do what I felt was right and just not go back to him. Cheri offered me the same articles and info then, (and I reiterate my thanks again, Cheri) but my wife refused to let me give them to the shrink out of the fear that it would just make things worse. She also questioned the validity of the studies done 20 years ago. I have a stack of print-outs that I have asked her and our daughter to read and though my wife has, she considers them biased because all of my research has come from nudist sources. I have challenged her to find refuting evidence, but her and the Internet are not user-friendly together. Therefore I am kind or in an up-hill battle that way.
tvix: My reason for getting away from nudism all the way if the discussion does not make them inclined to believe what I am trying to do is acceptable, is because I believe that it is not my right to make them uncomfortable in our house just to make ME feel good. After all God commanded us to love one another, and I feel I would be remiss in what I believe He is telling me to do if I just hide in my room to be nude. Also, that is not my priority in why I want to spend time in the nude. If I have to hide from my own family I might as well not do it. If I continue to come here to get comfort and encouragement, but am unable to spend time nude, I would just regret what I don't have. Therefore IF the discussion goes their way totally, in order to live without being reminded of what I can't have, I will just let it go.
However, with that being said, as prisim2525 mentioned, I am going into this discussion with all the resources and positive attitude that I can muster. I have decided to start the meeting with a prayer and let God decide the outcome. I feel he will do for my family what is right and just for all of us. As we all know, no one can change anyone else's mind, either they will change them on thier own, or God will intercede and change all of our minds to do whatever He wants us to do.
I will post more when the "discussion" occurs.
Peace
Jeanluc
Live - Laugh - Love
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Country: USA
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jeanluc
Forum Member
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Posted - 04/18/2008 : 2:27:15 PM
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I thought a follow-up was in order, since I haven't been able to post about the "discussion".
Although I was hoping that my birthday gift was going to be the "discussion" I mentioned, it still hasn't happened. Partly because our daughter is stressing out over finals and getting ready for graduation from college. We will all be taking a trip to Mexico after that and I am hoping that we can talk then.
I have come to understand that my perceived all-or-nothing as far as what I would like could be too pushy - and my first response to my wife's rejection was to insist that she had a problem if she couldn't be nude when it was just the two of us. I realized shortly therafter that it wasn't a correct thing to say or way to act. She still sees me as forcing this on them. I have backed off, and though I have stopped being nude around the grandson, I am still exercising in the nude, even if she is in the room where the elliptical machine is. Last night I stepped around the corner of the hallway as our daughter was going downstairs and asked if she was going to sleep right away as the machine is right above her and it is rather noisy. She saw me nude when she answered and didn't blink.
So maybe if I increase it a little at a time, by the time we take our trip, I can bring up our grandson and why it is ok for him to see us in the shower and getting ready in the bathroom nude, or showering with his mom, but not at any other time.
Again thanks for your wonderful comments. I am encouraged by them.
Peace
Jeanluc
Live - Laugh - Love
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Country: USA
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jeanluc
Forum Member
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Posted - 07/07/2008 : 8:13:38 PM
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Well, I thought the discussion would have happened before this, but it didn't until just now.
I had decided that since I had asked for them to bring up the discussion, I would wait until they did.
I had started being nude more in front of them and when we went on vacation in May, I spent a fair amount of time in the hotel room in the nude (one bedroom with pull-out).
When we got back, I continued that around the house. After showering or getting out of the pool after supper or just because it was more comfortable, I would either be undressed or just in a wrap.
My wife must have finally gotten fed up with it because she called us all together for "the discussion".
Not only did she bring up all of the things that I have mentioned, but she continually re-iterated that the grandson will tell, that nudity is abnormal, etc., etc.
Daughter has just started her career as a social worker and works with children that are living in less-than-optimal parenting situations, so I can understand her concerns. However, none of my explaining or reasoning made a dent in the thinking that her career would be ended if the grandson "told on grandpa".
Therefore, because of the way that my wife has set herself against this and has not made any effort to consider any other option, in order to keep the peace, I have decided to relinquish my activities as a nudist/naturist until such time as she and our daughter change their way of thinking.
I will not cancel my membership here, but I will not be visiting very frequently if at all.
I have learned a lot from all of you and I feel that I am losing some dear friends, but hopefully not forever.
Don't let my setback affect the joy you all have for life. I will try not to let it affect mine.
Peace and love to you all,
Jeanluc
Live - Laugh - Love
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Country: USA
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NudeAl
Forum Member
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Posted - 07/07/2008 : 9:19:26 PM
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I understand and I too was in a similiar situation however it went the other way. I was firm and stood my ground indicating it was my house and I could damn well be nude in my own home. I had a hard time for a few monthes but after a while everyone was accepting about it. In fact my grand daughter is a little nudist happily going from shower to backyard nude to get her toys she left outside. I was very lucky in that.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep. -- Robert Frost
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StuffedTiger
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Posted - 07/11/2008 : 01:04:39 AM
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Jeanluc,
I believe you should not be doing anything the least bit different with a child than what their parents would want. It doesn't matter whether he is your grandchild or not. For example, I feel very strongly about using shade rather than sunscreen, but I put sunscreen on any child I am minding if that is what their parent wants. It is not my decision, it is the child's parents' decision. In no way would I do anything they might not expect or out of the normal without their permission.
As for nudism, you know now that you are a nudist/naturist in your soul. Your wife should respect that and go to nudist events with you and be nude there with you. If she and you have been doing that regularly, I cannot understand how this situation could arise.
I don't think you have a right to ask more of her than to go regularly to nudist events, and I don't think she has a right to deny you that as your wife, not if she loves you. If nudism is the real you, if it is you down deep in your soul, and she does not love that, then she does not love the real you, and that is something you two must work out.
There is no sense denying who you are, and there is even less sense letting someone else deny it. You are doing nothing wrong wanting to participate in nudism, but that is not the same as being nude around the house. It is her house too. She has a right to have her daughter and grandson over and not have them put off. You should agree to be nice about that, very nice, and she should agree to go with you and to enjoy nudism at your side in an appropriate setting.
It is the same kind of thing as if you had different religions. Some couples let that tear them apart, other couples expand their spirituality through experiencing the other's way of dealing with life. In the end, I feel those differences matter less than the generosity we are able to extend to each other, but that cannot be a one way street when it comes to basic values.
If my wife and I reached a point where we could not agree on a happy compromise for such a fundamental value, I would know for sure I had some serious work to do on my marriage, and would be considering all options. I would not stay where I was so fundamentally not wanted.
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nudeisbetter
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Posted - 07/11/2008 : 06:00:01 AM
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Isn't "nude around the house" a perfectly "appropriate setting" and "participating in nudism"?
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StuffedTiger
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Posted - 07/14/2008 : 01:14:01 AM
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If it is your house, you set the rules. Most married couples own the house jointly. Many singles share a home with others. In addition, if you have responsibility for dependents, then you must own up to that as well. Others have a right to their say in the matter then.
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wife argues about nudity around grandson
