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cheef
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 09:50:59 AM
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quote: Originally posted by melissastarr
But I still don't understand men!
Okay, here's my big wisdom on this topic: You probably can't, and even if you do - it doesn't matter.
We analytical types like to understand things. We often do that not just because it's in our nature to try to understand things, but because we like to be able to control them. I don't mean that we necessarily try to be manipulative of another person, but rather that we want to have enough control of our situation so that we don't put ourselves at risk.
Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way. First of all, people are diverse enough that even if you learn to understand "men" or "women" in general, at least half of your understanding still won't apply to the specific person you're with. Plus, (and here's the real kicker), even IF you start to understand someone and they start to understand you... that doesn't change them and it generally doesn't change you either.
Both you and the other person can have all the good, solid psychological/social/relational/spiritual understanding of why you behave as you do. You'll still end up doing things that hurt each other, offend each other, and annoy each other.
The bottom line is that there is no love without the risk of hurt. And given that most dating is about "testing out" whether to love someone, it's about vulnerability and no amount of understanding will protect us from that.
Okay, I'll shut up now.
http://cheef.com http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nudist-news-group/
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Country: USA
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nudeisntlewd
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 2:11:57 PM
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You have it nailed Cheef.
Randy
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Country: USA
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melissastarr
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 6:07:46 PM
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Cheef,
You should write a book or something- that was deep! And accurate, too! I don't like the idea that you can't have love without the risk of hurt, but I think you're probably right. Darn.
Melissa
____________________________________________________________________ My clothes have low self-esteem... they know they're not wanted.
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Country: USA
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calmnude
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 6:24:26 PM
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cheef,
agreed. analysing material in work life, is fairly simple to come up with a formula that works as a modus operandi.
on the other hand, people do not follow more than general patterns, so you have to use instinct and have the diplomatic skills of an ambassador. and no, melissa, there is no guarantee against getting hurt.
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melissastarr
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 6:26:50 PM
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But I don't like getting hurt. Can't you protect yourself from that somehow????
Melissa
____________________________________________________________________ My clothes have low self-esteem... they know they're not wanted.
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lvnv777
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 6:40:03 PM
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 05:00:09 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi Melissa,
Just as I stated below U just have to be sure on him, trust your instincts, be cautious/safe, communication/honesty is the key, accept each person as a person, feel what comes from your heart/mind, and if it goes well then UR successful.
Robbie--. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Aloha All From Robbie Of Hawaii,
Happy holidays to everyone. To me dating a nudists/naturists female should be no different than dating a female that is clothed.
My way is to treat the female species with respect, dignity, honesty, sincerity, as a woman, as a female, as a person, TLC, give compliments when due, with importance, not taken for granted, and so forth.......
Any opinions or questions please feel free to drop me a line at (LVNV777@earthlink.net).
Happy Wishes----.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 19 |
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nudetoo
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 8:21:58 PM
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I would like to meet someone who wont start pulling out a boat load of bad habbits after the first six months. nothing worse than finding out you've been lied too.I have been there, done that and even got a "T" shirt.
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Country: USA
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cheef
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 8:51:18 PM
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quote: Originally posted by nudetoo
I would like to meet someone who wont start pulling out a boat load of bad habbits after the first six months. nothing worse than finding out you've been lied too.
I didn't know there were bad hobbits. Bad orcs, yes... and even bad wizards... but not bad hobbits.
But seriously, while I agree that it's bad to lie to people, and to intentionally hide things... to some degree it's inevitable that there will be things that emerge after a period of time that were not evident immediately.
First, even if somebody was trying to show you all their bad habits, there are probably some that just don't happen to show up that often.
Second, people are really good at developing new bad habits.
Third, they might have honestly thought they had given up that bad habit... and may even have done so a long time ago... only to have it re-emerge once they are relaxed in the relationship.
Fourth, it's quite natural to "be on your best behavior" when you first start into a relationship. Not only because one wants to make a good impression, but also because it's simply good manners.
Okay, I'll shut up now... again! :)
http://cheef.com http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nudist-news-group/
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Country: USA
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calmnude
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 9:42:34 PM
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in my experience, six months not enough time, it usually takes a year or so of relationship period to figure out if this person is a keeper. and even then you dont know. melissa, use your instincts. and then protect yourself . been there done that, been really hurt,and there is no magic formula, just experience
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pilot
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/22/2003 : 10:36:33 PM
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Melissa,
Men are difficult to figure out because most men haven't figured themselves out. Values and relationships are confusing, and this is probably why many men have a lot of difficulty with "commitment".
It's okay to date casually, and it's also okay to commit cautiously. Textiled or not, it's important that one sees men (and women, for that matter) for what they are, not what they pretend to be and not what they want to be. Loyalty, kindness and decency cannot be taught to adults--people either have these qualities by the time you meet them, or they do not. These qualities do not know any particular age, body shape/size, race or income level.
Most men--perhaps every man--has secret dreams of having better-than-average looks, higher -than-average income, more-than-average smarts, being a more skillful-than-average lover, ... The law of averages being what it is, you rarely will find all of this in one package. Decide what's important to you. But an important hint: people who look after themselves (eat right, exercise regularly, drink in moderation,...) and have a reasonable balance between work and play are likely to find balance in the rest of their lives as well. They have figured out how to do the best with what they have, and to enjoy it as well.
From a man's perspective, hopefully we/he are smart enough to look past the surface. Physical appearances change, but a nurtured heart will continue to grow. We might "date the hot babe", but generally we want to "marry mom".
I would avoid making a point of your choice of a nude lifestyle. I doubt you'll find many men who will ultimately object--most will consider themselves fortunate to have found someone with a level head and a free spirit. But bringing it up too early in a relationship has great potential to send the wrong message. The link between nudity and sex may be cultural and learned, but that does not in any way diminsh its power.
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cheef
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/23/2003 : 01:21:23 AM
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quote: Originally posted by pilot
Most men--perhaps every man--has secret dreams of having better-than-average looks, higher -than-average income, more-than-average smarts, being a more skillful-than-average lover, ... The law of averages being what it is, you rarely will find all of this in one package.
Further proof of just how lucky my wife was to find me!
http://cheef.com http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nudist-news-group/
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Country: USA
| Posts: 243 |
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melissastarr
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/23/2003 : 05:37:54 AM
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I just want someone kind, gentle, respectful, and patient. He doesn't have to be rich or a (who's that guy from Titanic again, mom?) look alike.
Cheef- Judy was lucky to find you. You're a GREAT guy!
Melissa
____________________________________________________________________ My clothes have low self-esteem... they know they're not wanted.
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Corasol
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/23/2003 : 09:20:57 AM
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Mélissa,
You seem to be a superb, simple, non complicated person...
I'm sure you would love a guy with bare essentiel qualities
love peace
Corasol
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Country: Canada
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cheef
Forum Member
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melissastarr
Forum Member
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Posted - 12/23/2003 : 5:59:09 PM
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Nope, it's Leonardo DiCaprio- I just looked it up. He was on TV the other night and I noticed that he wasn't exactly ugly.
Melissa
____________________________________________________________________ My clothes have low self-esteem... they know they're not wanted.
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| Posts: 883 |
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