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Bare Sarkr
New Member
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 Posted - 03/14/2008 : 01:37:26 AM
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Evenin', all. I hope that this is an okay place for me to be posting. In the interests of fair warning, I should mention that the following post has to do (in part) with sex. There's nothing graphic or explicit, but if you don't want a complete stranger to bare his soul to you, then you should keep your distance from this thread. (It's also long, and has way too many parentheses. But you can see that for yourself.)
So: I'm a human male in my early 20s. Maybe about 10 years ago, when all my friends were already waist-deep in puberty (but I was just starting), I got the idea into my head that nudism would be a good way to get a more reasonable perspective on people's bodies, and get a tighter rein over the new set of impulses that were trying to force themselves on me.
Now I'm here, on the other side of adolescence, and I've never had the opportunity (or the nerve) to actually try any kind of public nudity. I still think that, if I had been exposed to nakedness more when I was younger, I'd be better off: As it is, I've never had sex (with anyone else, anyhow), nor have I ever had a girlfriend- basically, I'm just uneasy around women. The sex I can do without (Can't miss what you've never had, I guess), but the loneliness gets old after a while. So, if public nakedness would help me be more comfortable around women, help to humanize them (you, as it applies) in my mind, it'd be a good thing.
So, that's all well and good, but those issues are probably better left to a trained professional (or thirty). The question that brought me here is simpler. When I first started considering nudism a decade ago, my sex drive was weaker than it is now. Nowadays, I find that when I look up nudism on the internet, for entirely honorable reasons, I have a tendency to stray towards sites of... more prurient interest. Part of it's the nature of the internet, I'm sure- I'm sitting home, in private, and there's sure no shortage of smut online. Still, it makes me question whether I'm still interested in nudism for the right reasons, or at least whether I would be able to control myself enough to be a welcome addition to the nudist Community. That is, if being around naked women would just arouse me, then that's going against my purposes for getting into nudism, and I'm certain that none of you would want me around.
So - As promised, there are questions here:
Does my reasoning - seeing naked people of the opposite sex in a non-sexual setting might help me relate to them more easily - seem sound? Has anybody else maybe had a similar train of thought? Also, did anyone else here ever doubt their own intentions in getting into social nudism? Was there anything you (or someone else) did to get past that doubt?
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nudenewbie
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 11:54:44 AM
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Welcome to the forum, Bare Sarkr (I'm a relatively new member to this forum too).
First of all, kudos for your honesty and upfrontness. I think that by joining this forum, you have taken a great first step in understanding what nudism is truly about and you'll learn a lot from reading the topics and posts (a whole lotta wisdom on this board!). Certainly a more valid perspective on nudity than the porn sites you have visited :)
I think a lot of people when first considering visiting a public nudist venue have some of the same concerns you do. Since our society constantly (and wrongly) associates nudity with sex, I think in the back of our minds we all worry that "hey, does that mean if I want to try out a nude beach, that I'm doing it for sexual reasons?" I admit that thought crossed my mind too (and others too---why do you think the most-asked nudist question is from guys worried about unwanted erections?)
You'll find the answer when you do finally visit a beach---it's not sexual. You'll see that immediately. It's hard to explain, and I didn't fully believe it myself until I experienced it.
And, if we're honest with ourselves, of course there is an element of simply enjoying seeing and being around other people while naked---not prurient, but enjoyable nonetheless (otherwise we'd only be nude at home or only seek out isolated outdoor places to be nude---which some nudists do---but more of us also enjoy public nude venues). To me, part of the beauty of this is interacting with people on a very honest, basic level---when you're naked around each other, you're literally stripped down to your bare essence, there's almost a type of vulnerability there, and when that's equal among a group of people there's a kind of beauty to it that you don't get in the everyday clothed world.
HOWEVER.....please be aware that I'm not saying this would be a panacea in your case about relating to the opposite sex. That may be a more complicated issue than can be solved by merely going to a nude beach. But it is a nice way to relate with people on a different level than you usually would. And it's definitely a positive thing to experience social nudity in a non-sexual atmosphere---your brain starts to learn not to associate the two.
Sorry for the long response. :) I hope others give their perspective too, you'll learn a lot from the people online here!
Dave
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WHASP
New Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 12:03:57 PM
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Thanks nudenubie for helping me and my wife get one step closer to the beach as we are very new to all this your response made sense.
In life always try anything once,then decide if you like it
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Country: Canada
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nudeisntlewd
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 1:24:29 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bare Sarkr
So - As promised, there are questions here:
Does my reasoning - seeing naked people of the opposite sex in a non-sexual setting might help me relate to them more easily - seem sound? Has anybody else maybe had a similar train of thought? Also, did anyone else here ever doubt their own intentions in getting into social nudism? Was there anything you (or someone else) did to get past that doubt?
First, I'll say this: You have the same resonable thoughts and ideas as any guy would. So don't worry, you haven't crossed any lines of decorum here.
When you first experience public nudity, it will be uncomfortable and perhaps difficult at first. It took me 2 visits on consecutive days to fully take the plunge at a clothing optional beach, and I was near 40, I think.
As for my own experience, I was similar to you. I wasn't as comfortable with ladies as I would have liked to have been. But practicing nudism has boosted my confidence in myself and my ability to relate to all people exponentially. But take it slow. You will find that as you become more comfortable with yourself, you will become more comfortable with others. And as that part of your personality becomes more relaxed and open, you will find others attracted to you by your personality. Leave the swim trunks on the sand and wear a smile. A smile and a personality is what we clothe ourselves in. So what I'm saying in a nutshell is this: Become comfortable with yourself in the nudist context, and your social interation will happen natuarally.
I hope this helps you, and I'm sure the many others who have similar concerns.
As far as intentions and self-control, don't overthink it and worry too much. Most honest guys, including myself, have to admit that there was a certain allure of the idea of viewing the "scenery".
But 1. A normal person will be self-conscious enough, (especially when starting out), for things not to "come up" and become a problem if that's what you're worried about.
And 2. We soon discover that the scenery isn't necessarily what we'd imagined anyway and we can get on to the business of becoming as comfortable with our nudity and ourself as everone else there is. Don't worry about your intentions. The appreciation for beauty is natural and good. Behavior is the thing one needs to control and use good judgment in. So don't think you're a pervert for enjoying beauty. You're normal for having those thoughts and you're well-adjusted for having those concerns.
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Edited by - nudeisntlewd on 03/14/2008 1:28:44 PM |
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Phydeau
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 1:27:04 PM
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I think the very fact that you're even asking this question indicates that you're on the right level.
I, myself, was wondering as recently as when I started visiting this site a few months ago why on Earth I felt compelled to not only shed my clothes, but maybe want to hang out with others who do the same. In fact, sometimes I still wonder, a bit. And like you, I went through a phase about 10 years ago where I considered becoming a nudist, and kind of dropped it.
I'm not sure if being exposed to nudity would have helped you at all with women. Heck, I've HAD sex, and I'm STILL somewhat shy around women. That being said, though, if your perception of your body is something that's holding you back, social nudity very well might be helpful in overcoming that.
My initial response to your question in the title was going to be "You have a body, don't you? Sure you're nudist material!"
Anyway. Welcome. I think you'll like it here.
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Country: USA
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nudeisntlewd
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 1:45:32 PM
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Phydeau,
I agree. I still have a degree of shyness with women too, when it comes down to the nitty-gritty. But I think that one benefit of interacting without the benefit of clothes to hide behind, might make things easier. It seems to me that that's one less thing to worry about. Being a nudist, you would certainly be more open since you become less inhibited as time goes on.
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Rodders
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 2:40:08 PM
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Nudists are, I think, far more friendly as a general rule and visits to nude beaches will confirm this. Could well be that Bare Sarkr will "kill two birds with one stone" by finding out how great social nudity can be and also discover that women can be easier to talk to as well. All you have to do is act in a respectful manner and soon, hey presto, a new nudist has hit the beach. Go for it.
Rod
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Diger
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 3:31:35 PM
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Bare Sarkr,
You have already recieved great advice. I'll have to admit I'm impressed with your insite for a 20yo male. This lifestyle has made us much more outgoing and able to talk to people even in the textile world. I think you are on the right track, so don't worry about your first time nude in public. You will find it is one of the least sexualy charged environments you can be in. If you do have a problem just cover it till you get control, but you will be surprised that it won't be that much of a problem. Some how your body will know how to act.
Welcome to the group,
Diger
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Country: USA
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traisjames
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 3:36:44 PM
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I am a college student who also has the issue of no girlfriend or anyone who I can hang out with while nude because the friends who I do have who are ok with nudity are only ok with it if the are about to have sex. It does get lonly just sitting by myself.
I never had the issue about having thoughts of maybe my confert with nudity is for the wrong reason....even at the height of my puberty or whenever...my sex drive was so low that I felt more conftrable being labeld as asexual (meaning does not have intrest in sex). I plan to have sex only once in my life and thats to have a kid, and thats it. My primary issues dealing with nudity right now is how my friends can be fine being nude when about to have sex, for art, when taking a shower, and so sexually minded, but the moment you talk about social nudity, they storm off
From the guy with his eye on the sky
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jim19452
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 3:38:47 PM
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Bare Sarkr,
If you were't human you would be a nudist!
My first visit to a social nudist setting was in part motivated by voyeurism and exhibitionism. The intrique of the experience (do they have undressing rooms, how would others react to me, how would I react to them) was a bit stronger motive. Perhaps my strongest motives: I enjoy being naked out of doors and feeling the sun and wind caress my body and I love skinny dipping.
Go for it.
Best Wishes, Jim
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HG8Harrier
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 8:47:19 PM
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Sarkr,
I, too, have the same concerns. In the distant past, when I first was interested and involved with nude beaches, I definitely had those concerns. Now that I've been away for a while, I still do. However, while the concern about the prurient interests definitely applies, as long as you have a strong sense of who you are, and remind yourself that you're a good person and that you wouldn't do anything to impugn your good standing in the community, then you should be fine.
I wouldn't immediately divulge that you are a nudist to others unless you find them in a similar setting, because others are wont to ostracize that which they do not understand, so a nudist resort setting is probably your best bet for realizing that you can be nude in a non-sexual environment, yet still have the opportunity to meet someone with certain romantic interests.
The blind leading the blind...
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success
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/14/2008 : 9:27:44 PM
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Bare Sarkr,
My first public experience was at Haulover some years ago. To make a long story short, I took the entire month of June off work, spent two weeks on one of the most beautiful, desserted beaches in Florida working on my state of being as well as my tan, then drove all night to meet with friends in SE Florida for a run over to the Bahamas for a week. I arrived a day ahead of our scheduled rendezvous, so decided to go to Haulover. I got there so early that there were only a few people on the beach to watch the sun rise. I was a little nervous despite there being almost nobody around, but mustered the courage to drop my shorts. I was so tired from the drive, however, that I fell asleep, and when I woke up to a full beach a couple hours later (and after the initial shock of "where'd all these people come from?!"), the apprehension began to melt.
This is to say that one option for you may be to arrive at a c/o beach early. By the time the crowds hit, you should be quite a bit more comfortable. Sort of like being the proverbial frog in the gradually-heated pot of water.
(Just in case anyone is wondering, the forth week of my vacation was spent on my desserted beach, as paradisical as it was, wishing I could have stayed in Miami. I think I only spent 5 days that month where I wasn't working on my tan, and easily 2/3 of those days were 12+ hours at the beach with nothing on but a smile. Easily one of the best months of my life.)
--Success
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Country: USA
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Bare Sarkr
New Member
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Posted - 03/16/2008 : 3:02:46 PM
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It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only person who thinks (to a first approximation) the way I do. I'd read plenty (plenty!) of posts on the "erection question," and it never occurred to me that the people asking were concerned with something beyond a purely physiological response. It's sure a relief to feel like I'm not the only sinner in a community of saints. You've done a lot to help me deal with my demons.
So thank you all! You flatter me with your kindness, and honor me with your candor.
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agmetal
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/20/2008 : 02:12:54 AM
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I actually just registered because of reading this post. I was considering starting a very similar thread and was looking around for a good forum on which to post. Bare Sarkr and I are in pretty much the same position, and I came up with an idea to attempt to help make myself a little more comfortable and less self-conscious with nudity around members of the opposite sex.
I have a female friend/former roommate who does some nude modeling, and she often showed me the pictures she posed for. She also would often wear very light clothing and even go around topless at home sometimes, and we often show each other various interesting nude pictures we've found online. I've been interested in nudity and nudism for quite some time, and enjoy spending time alone and sleeping in the nude, but despite this, I've found myself very self-conscious about my own body and the idea of myself being naked around others.
Anyway, one day I was talking to my friend online and I mentioned how my current roommates had been out for the day, and I hadn't bothered to get dressed at all, until I ordered dinner for delivery, after sitting around in the nude for a good 8 hours or so. She said, "hey, it's a lifestyle!" and she suggested that I try going to a nude beach, even said she'd go with me (I don't think she's ever been). I thought that it would be a little bit too much for me to just jump right in and be nude around so many people...besides, it's still Winter and we live in New England and are young people without much money, so there's not really anywhere to go. A few days later I had this idea to see if I could make myself at least somewhat comfortable with even non-sexual nudity in the presence of a woman, but in relative private...my own apartment. Of course, my friend who had suggested the idea of going to a nude beach was the obvious one to ask. I mentioned this idea to a couple other friends of mine, who thought it was at least a little bit odd, but said I should do whatever I feel is right.
My friend will be coming over tomorrow afternoon to hang out nude for a while, and it will be my first experience with anything of the sort. I'm not sure what we'll do...maybe find some board games to play, a movie to watch, and just talk? Not sure how it'll go, but it should be interesting at the very least. I'm just glad I have a friend who is comfortable enough with the idea to help me with this.
I tend to disagree with the typical "nudity = sex" opinion that most Americans hold, and my friend is well aware of this (and feels the same way), but I also informed her that I was worried that my body would disagree with my mind on this. She told me that she would not be offended or bothered if I happen to get an erection, so I'm very relieved about that.
If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions or anything for me, that would be great. I'll be sure to report back about the experience, as well.
Bare Sarkr, is there any chance you might have a friend who would be willing to help you out in this same fashion?
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traisjames
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Posted - 03/20/2008 : 08:54:54 AM
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Im jelous. my friends don't even like talking about the subject. I love how my friends like to contradict themselfs.
From the guy with his eye on the sky
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Cheri
Forum Member
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Posted - 03/20/2008 : 10:11:25 AM
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agmetal, Since you have little discretionary funds, how about contacting one of the nonlanded clubs in your area that has events all year long such as the Pilgrim Naturists? www.aanr.com - go there and click on regions and club listings; then click on club listings; click on the state(s) in which you are interested. Also go to www.naturistsociety.com and click on Naturist Network and put in the state's postal abbreviation. You and/or your friend will have some inexpensive ways to enjoy social nudism.
Cheri
Doing what I can to positively promote nudism
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