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Warmskin
Forum Member
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 Posted - 05/17/2009 : 07:38:08 AM
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Today was awful at a nudist resort in California. Since there are many of them in California, I feel free to mention the state without revealing which one.
It's not easy being a single fellow at a nudist resort, and being an almost-senior citizen is even worse. I try to be light-heartedly friendly at this place. I smile and say hello, talk about the weather, etc. Nothing very personal that would offend.
Today was the limit of clique-ishness. There seems to be an unavoidable tendency at most gatherings of people, who meet regularly, to cluster among their cliques, and ignore others. Unfortunately, nudist resorts are no exceptions. One might think that since we are a somewhat unusual type of group, there would a lot of comradeship. Not so.
I faced on rejection after another in the pool, trying to talk with anybody. There were lots of folks there, but none would respond to my saying, "Hi." Hardly a pushy thing to say, nor is it controversial.
One person in his little clique told, succinctly, "You are not wanted here." It couldn't be plainer than that. Others nudged me away from their little cliques, leaving no ambiguous message for me except to get lost. I thought about it for a while. Maybe I had horrible breath. Maybe my natural smile scared people. Maybe saying hi was an offense. Not sure.
Being told that I was not wanted didn't make me enthusiastic about being there. Talk about dousing my spirits. What kind of place is this?
I have been to this place several times, and being able to talk to somebody is quite dicey. Sometimes I can break through the clique factor and engage someone in some friendly conversation, but that has been only about 20 minutes out of 12 hours. So, I have tried to find things to do by myself. I tried the various facilities there, and that was interesting for a while, but it was not enough.
I think for a single man, it is far batter to find another person to take with you to a nudist resort, if you can find one. Otherwise, you are going to be shunned by a number of people, even to the point of being told I wasn't welcome there.
I will not renew my membership when it comes due. I think I'd be a fool to do so, when there are numerous nude beaches where there is no charge to use. Paying hundreds of dollars for this kind of treatment is not mentally healthy.
As I have mentioned in other posts, there are some nice local free beaches and clothing-optinal hot tubs and spas, and some quite picturesque to frequent. I have had some very nice, lengthy conversations with a good number of people at these places. There are also non-landed clubs to join, too.
It's too bad that when I joined this resort, there was not introductory meetings to get acquainted with the regular members to meet the brand new ones. You have to fend for yourself and deal with the indifferent and rude cliques.
Unless you are a silver tongued single male newbie to gain some social ground, and based on my experience with this particular resort, it is not the best thing to join. Save money and try free nude beaches, or talk to another nudist resort to see if they do not treat the newer single males with less than friendliness.
Maybe the man who told me that I was not welcome there was correct. I tried to gently get myself into a conversation ( I have a Mr. Rogers [of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood fame] type personality, and not that of a publisher of a porn magazine), so how threatening could I be?
Amazing stuff. Still not sure what happened, but it was the summit of boorish behavior on the part of the cliques. If only they had groups within the resort where you can do some things together, so others would be more accurate about me. They would see that I am an okay fellow.
Scratch this nudist resort. I will probably go back only to observe behavorial patterns with no expectations. Or maybe just float in the pool and secretly listen to conversations. Not much else to do there. I still have all summer to use this place before canceling.
Thanks for listening.
"To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them."
George Mason
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Edited by - Warmskin on 05/17/2009 07:47:00 AM
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1964 |
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FireProf
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 01:26:25 AM
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It's really counter productive and unfair to the rest of the traveling naturist community not to tell us where you were treated so rudely.
Many resorts and clubs have been named and people have told their stories of unfriendly behavior toward a fellow single nudist.
Why do you feel the need to be secretive about where it is you visited?
F:
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| Posts: 3175 |
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Warmskin
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 03:48:15 AM
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I didn't want to violate forum rules by naming them. I may very well be incorrect about that, FireProf. I try to go out of my way to not use the forum correctly, but I am not sure how to handle this correctly. Your input would be much appreciated. I do remember the Admin wanting us to not to speak too badly about a particular resort for legal purposes. That goes a ways back and my memory of that might be a bit cloudy. I guess I'm better at writing about general subjects than I am knowing the rules here.
Admin, what say you? Shall I name the place or not. Thank you for your comments, and Fireprof's, too!!
If I hesitate in this forum, it's because I'm not sure if something in the gray area is okay to do. So, don't assume I am trying to do damage; just not my style. Normally I like to discuss the philosophy of nudism and banter with the others here, so when you see me doing something not appropriate or expected, just assume I am a bit ignorant and not purposeful in my actions here. So, when I doubt myself, I hold back.
I really appreciate your message, FireProf; that is how I learn things. Thanks again.
"To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them."
George Mason
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Edited by - Warmskin on 05/18/2009 03:59:06 AM |
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1964 |
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go n nude
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 09:02:22 AM
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I think it would unfair to name a resort, when some members spoil some one's fun in the sun, hopefully they're a few. Unless the mangement treats visitors rudely, On many visits when i was single and later went single to resorts this type of reception, was felt and i can imagine how lousey it feels to be discrimminated due to being single. Your right on taking someone with you would be better as i have found the difference in reception was welcoming and friendly at the same resorts when not alone. Management can't control everyone and everything unless they don't respect the club rules.
go n nude
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Country: Canada
| Posts: 415 |
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NakedOpeness
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 09:59:26 AM
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Sorry to hear that. My first experiences at a nudist resort (I had been going to nude beaches, and laying out naked in the yard since I was 14--when my prude parents weren't home) was when I was 20 at Whitetail Park, in VA. I was single, and everytime I went there I had a positive experience there. I met other single men, single women, and families, and on rainy days even the owner would let me sleep in his trailer so I didn't have a bad nights sleep in my tent. I am glad I never experienced anything like you. It would have turned me off to "organised" nudism entirely!
Clothing should always be optional!
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Country: USA
| Posts: 20 |
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mariarose
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 10:07:24 AM
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If one can say that a certain place is good, then it stands to reason that one can say a certain place is not so good.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 130 |
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CopperQuail
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 12:04:12 PM
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I would say to vote with your dollar bills. Take them to a place that fills your needs and treats you well. Especially in this time of recession it will speak in a loud voice.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 73 |
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Admin
Forum Admin
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 12:40:41 PM
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Warmskin, you are indeed a conscientious member to think twice before posting negatively. You handled it in a classy manner. Thank you.
Before naming the particular resort, it is fair to notice that the unsociable behavior may not be the fault of the establishment. It would also be unfair to name this particular resort if the effect wasn't noticed by a significant portion of the nudist community.
Warmskin, why don't you email me with the name of the resort? We'll keep it confidential for a short while. Anyone else with similar experiences of unsociable behavior towards single males can do the same, and we'll see if the resort names match up. All we need in the email is the resort name, so we'll know which resort you are discussing in this thread.
In the meantime, let's see if there is an issue here to be examined. Please don't start naming establishments openly, but let's compare notes privately and consider releasing names later.
After all, if it turns out no one is talking about the same resorts, there is a different issue to discuss.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1888 |
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Calbob
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 12:52:26 PM
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Warmskin- I know which resort you are talking about because I'm also a member and practically live there, because my girlfriend is a resident. I'm sure the cliquishness was at the middle pool, right? Yeah, the groups, mostly couples, tend to talk only to their friends while downing those mudslides that the snack bar conveniently serves at poolside. The upper pool, by the tennis courts, is sometimes called the "kids pool", but it's also for everyone. It's quieter, and families, couples and singles often hang out there to get away from the rowdies at the other one. I know that you have played water volleyball on previous visits. Did you go to the volleyball pool in front of the restaurant? We're always looking for people to join us, and that group is not cliquish. That resort is the nicest one in California, so don't let your experience of last weekend discourage you. There are a lot of friendly people there.
The next time you are going to be at the resort, let me know in advance so that we can arrange to meet.
Bob
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| Posts: 153 |
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Warmskin
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 5:08:10 PM
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Thank you for the encouragement, Bob. Much appreciated. I did learn of the pool next to the restaurant. For some reason I didn't know about its existence prior to that. I thought, mistakenly, that the middle pool was the only one for that specific area. By chance, I went past the restaurant pool and was surprised they had two pools so close together. I like to paddle around the lake and I was trying to get to the dock via the back of the restaurant, and then I saw the volleyball game going on, to which you referred. There is no shortage of pools there!!
I will definitely write you just before I go there next time. We can kick around some broadcast engineering tales or something. I did see you before, but that was before I knew you were the fellow with 3 man's best friend critters.
You are correct, the middle pool, can trick you into thinking that everyone is welcome, and that you can strike up a light-hearted discussion with most anyone. In that kind of social environment, people are the same as with other kinds of groups. People target their favorite people and ignore or even shun the rest.
There was a professor Parkinson who studied group behavior in parties and offices. The most extroverted ones followed similar patterns of movement as they "worked the crowd."
One thing that was mitigating is that it was so hot last Saturday that the conversation pool was deserted. I have had better luck there with conversing.
You have a great idea, in that being part of something specific is a better way to meet people. I guess that is true of so much of life. I'll definitely ask what is up at the restaurant pool with volleyball next time.
Thanks again, Bob. I am grateful your sentiments in this matter.
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” -John Adams
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1964 |
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Calbob
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 8:24:57 PM
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Warmskin- The pool in front of the restaurant is strictly for water volleyball, so even if there isn't a game going on, you will often find people like myself batting the ball around just for practice. As soon as you enter that pool area, you will usually be invited to join in.
Bob
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Country: USA
| Posts: 153 |
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Warmskin
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 10:38:08 PM
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Thanks, Bob, I made a note of that.
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” -John Adams
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1964 |
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NudeAl
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/18/2009 : 10:52:16 PM
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I also know the resort in question and I experienced similiar rude behavior. I don't know if it is specific to that one pool as in a different set of standards or what. Sorry for your unfortunate incident I have to ask if you relayed this to the management or not and what if anything was their response?
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep. -- Robert Frost
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Country: USA
| Posts: 457 |
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Warmskin
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/19/2009 : 02:53:41 AM
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I haven't conveyed any details to the management. I think they could have some activity that featured new members so that they are known to most of the other members in one "ceremony." It eliminates the new member feeling unwelcome, or not worthy of being known. I'm sure this is not unique to this resort, but I would think that if resorts want to be successful as much as possible, they would take the energy and time to have some kind of activity that put the spotlight on the newbies, and who they are. I have seen this work nicely at other kinds of civic events, wherein there was a line of all the other members who filed past the new members, who wore name tags, and shook hands with the new folks, and introduced themselves. Surely, this would help to an extent.
Of course, you wouldn't want to use any safety pins to attach any name labels to the new members. OUCH!! 
At this resort, you are shown around on a golf cart by a nice guide when you first show up to sign up for membership, which really helps you get a sense of things. After that, you are on your own. I think that could be improved regarding the whole introductory procedure. I'm sure management cannot know every detail of membership attitudes and actions. That would be impossible.
Beyond what management contributes, it's up to the membership to make the place a good one for all. Their failure to do so reflects badly on the whole resort, regardless of whether anti-social attitudes are intentional or not. What you take home with you is your feelings. Good feelings mean returning patrons, as with any other business. If that is agreed to, then it seems the duty of the veteran members to make sure they don't brush off well behaved new members just because they are not old faithfuls. We are adults, and adults take the initiative to make things happen.
If other resorts would go the extra mile, it would be an immense help for the new people, and it is they who bring in fresh, new revenue that further fund the resorts and their features.
Resorts might spend a fair amount of money to get new customers. Makes sense to preserve good results of getting those new members.
I'll be very happy to visit with CalBob and get involved in the volleyball games. It is people like CalBob that really contribute to the resort, as opposed to the cliques who are there to take and not give back. Good show, Bob!! 
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” -John Adams
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1964 |
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sailawaybob
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/20/2009 : 11:22:19 PM
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it amazes me that nudist organizations advertise nudist as the friendliest group of folks, and alot are but i belonged to one resort for over ten years and visited with my family over the years and saw the the little groups that had the special folks signs and realized that even if a person removes their clothes they can still be prudes, and its not the resorts fault but some of the people who are members, clothes or no clothes don't change a person. when i became single again and the kids were grown i changed my visit habits and went monday through friday and enjoyed the small group around the pool that were welcoming to all.
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Country: USA
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Warmskin
Forum Member
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Posted - 05/21/2009 : 12:54:50 AM
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There is the other good Bob.
I just wonder how much management is in touch with the little things at their resort. It's easy to make sure the physical facilities at a resort are in good shape. But, how about the way the non-clique people are being treated or how do they feel about the whole atmosphere.
The usual management structures I have experienced do not allow for management to know what is really going on the floor level or an operation. They simply don't have time to evaluate every single person's opinions. They, of course, have to see the operation from the overall view, and not see the microcosm viewpoint.
It would be interesting if resort used the methods of feedback as is done in restaurants, for example. They have the usual cards you fill out to let them know how the service was, the quality of the food, and how the customer felt about the whole experience. It provides valuable information for he restaurant manager. Naturally, he or she is not going to sit at every table along with the customers to evaluate the waitress, busboy, etc. They don't have the time to do that. Perhaps nudist resorts could offer their clientele that opportunity. Just a thought.
I could easily see the loud, pushy people spending a lot of times a bars, carrying on with conversations into the morning hours. Nothing wrong with that, but nudist resorts are more than just that. Resorts attract a wider variety of people, and the cliques need to learn that. Just because someone is not backslapping someone, while laughing loudly, doesn't mean that that person is not worthwhile. I'm sure the readers of this post can see the logic behind that. That we are on this forum means we are thinkers.
Seems that organized activities, where each person has something to contribute, would break the social constrictions that the cliques set up. You more or less get what you plan for, or not get what you don't plan for.
The good news is that there is opportunity to make improvements. We don't have to remain this way.
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” -John Adams
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| Posts: 1964 |
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Had my fill of a nudist resort
