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bonesrmj
Forum Member
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 Posted - 07/21/2011 : 4:43:54 PM
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I have been a nudist for many years but I can't get my wife to try it. She will go in our hot tub nude but only with me. She sometimes goes to bed nude after getting out of the hot tub but thats about it. When we were younger, she would go around the house all the time nude but not now. We are empty nesters but I can't get her to go any farther. We went to Maui, 5 years ago and it was her idea to go to the nude beach, Little Beach, but when she climbed up over the rocks and down the trail to it, as soon as she seen naked bodies, it was a quick about face and lets get out of here. Any suggestions?
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Country: USA
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FKKHiker
New Member
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Posted - 07/23/2011 : 07:46:59 AM
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Hi
I have the same problem but what makes the issue even worse, I have a guesthouse and we had naturists as guests. Because one guest could not behave my wife was abset and lost interest in naturism. Then we became new neighbours and he was a anti nudist and called the police whenever he sees a naked body at our pool. this causes a lot of problems for the guesthouse and now i have to send naturists to other b&b who accept naked bodies in there yard and only take naturists on nudehikes in our area.
Hiking in the nude on bush and river hikes & enjoy nature
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Country: South Africa
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Nudony
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Posted - 07/23/2011 : 09:57:54 AM
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For me, it really began with a conscious decision to always be nude at home. My wife thought I was being "quirky" initially, then progressively just got used to me being nude in the evenings. I didn't push her to be nude, just encouraged her from time to time: I remember one particular occasion where I asked her what was the point of wrapping herself in a towel to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom - to then put on a nighty that served no particular purpose. She agreed (in part). The small step of walking from the bathroom to the bedroom nude was actually a big step as it opened a lot of doors: first to sleeping nude; then, as she grew accustomed to being nude around me, to spending more and more time nude in the evenings. Since I was already home and nude by the time she got back from work, our routine ultimately evolved to her undressing when she got home and staying nude for the rest of the evening. From there, it became a matter of convincing her that she was ready for social nudism, which was an even more massive undertaking...
A common mistake is setting a goal of "getting my wife to the nude beach/resort by the end of next year." Although it does happen, that is not often the case. Message board are full of frustrated husbands (and some wives) who just can't seem to convince their reluctant spouse to accompany them. Then, when you ask them how often they are actually nude at home and how often their spouse joins them, you get answers like: "Errr, only once in blue moon..." or "but we were always nude around each other during our honeymoon." It took me about 2/3 years before I could even get my wife to contemplate social nudism; and it's taken longer for some people. And that was through a gradual acclimitization of home nudity. The small steps, as it turns out, are the most important ones.
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McNigel
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Posted - 07/23/2011 : 6:05:48 PM
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It's best not to try and understand.
My wife will wrap a towel around herself on the beach, to take off her knickers and the remove the towel to be naked.
Strange creatures ain't they?
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Country: United Kingdom
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Warmskin
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Posted - 07/23/2011 : 11:22:07 PM
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Gradualism is one way to accomodate change in one's life. That is how we change from being tiny babies to adults (or some of us do, LOL). We don't do that in one day, but over time, and the daily changes are imperceptible.
From what I have read here, especially where the wife is getting comfy with walking from the bathroom to another room in the home is a manner of gradualism -- one small step for woman, one giant leap for nudism.
Interesting to note is that people change when they think it was their own idea to change. The reader here can probably recall an example of that in his or her life. Self-will can be a powerful force.
I once had a skunk in my house. There is a lovely image. Wait a moment, what does this have to do with getting a wife to try nudism, you ask? Lots!!
I knew I could not force the skunk to get out of my home. I could, though, set up an environment that would coax him out of the house. Skunks are more nocturnal, and they often look for food. I put those two concepts to work for me and the skunk. I turned on all the lights behind him as he left one room to go to another. Soon, all the lights were on. I'm sure the little fellow did not like that. When it was possible, I dumped my garbage on my front side yard - nice and smelly. I then propped open the kitchen door. So, the garbage was right outside the kitchen door, and it was easy to for him to get to the garbage. The lights were uncomfortable for him. Yes, he went outside, and had a great time with my garbage. I closed the door behind him. Problem solved -- happy homeowner and happy skunk. I did not want to be on the losing end of a disagreement with a skunk.
I am not exactly sure how a guy can duplicate this experience with trying to get his wife to a nudist resort. There seems to have to be an attraction towards nudity, and a repulsion to being dressed, especially in the summer.
You might ask yourself, what would my wife like about nudism, however small in proportion? Maybe the reduced amount of laundry that has to be cleaned(very sexist of me). What is the attraction - staying cooler, especially with a heat wave.
So, like the skunk, a wife can be converted by focusing on likes and dislikes and using them to win her over to nudism. And, no, I'm not comparing your wife to a skunk!!!!!!!!! 
"Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his (and her) conduct."
Thomas Jefferson
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Country: USA
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Nudony
Forum Member
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Posted - 07/25/2011 : 6:19:59 PM
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quote:
You might ask yourself, what would my wife like about nudism, however small in proportion? Maybe the reduced amount of laundry that has to be cleaned(very sexist of me). What is the attraction - staying cooler, especially with a heat wave.
I think this (very good) point becomes increasingly important as social nudity becomes an option. Before then, gradualization/acclimitization is an important fist step; after all, the odds of a spouse going nude at a nude beach or resort is fairly slim if he/she is not quite comfortable nude at home in the first place. I don't think there is a particular activity at home (outside of the bedroom...) linked to comfort with nudity, unless you have a pool or hot tub. Then, you only need to find those particular moments conducive to increased nudity at home.
Recreational nudity is another matter. Some women will be more comfortable just sunbathing privately on an isolated stretch of a nude beach, or a less visible area of a resort. Some women just prefer home-nudism, even with friends or relatives. I realized the importance of this fact when I noticed that my wife seemed much happier with a small group. At the resort, she went nude, but stayed pretty much to herself and kept a sarong or towel handy for "quick cover-up" purposes. At the non-landed club or small social group she'd be a regular social butterfly, interacting with everyone, helping in the kitchen, and organize activities for the kids. That particular form of nudism meshed well with her personality type and personal inclinations. Because she enjoyed the interaction, she also embraced nudity to a greater extent than she did anywhere else, meaning she actually preferred being nude in that setting (I remember one instance at the end of the day where everyone was getting dressed and leaving, and she was still in the kitchen, nude and helping clean the dishes - because she really wanted to remain nude until the very last minute). So sticking with non-landed nudism became a natural choice, even though I personally still preferred the nude resort.
So yes, you'll have to pinpoint the "style" of nudism that suits her best, and stick with it. If she doesn't like the particular nudist activities you're pursuing, you'll soon get the sense that you're "dragging her along", and that's not going to make anyone happy.
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Edited by - Nudony on 07/25/2011 6:35:46 PM |
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bonesrmj
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Posted - 08/05/2011 : 06:52:52 AM
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I took your advise and have been getting her to go to bed nude on her idea. It seems to be working as she has done this almost everynight in the last 2 weeks. She no longer gets upset when I walk around nude in the morning before work or at my computer at the asme time. I also supect that she is doing the same as she has been getting dressed downstairs in the morning. I guess that letting her do this on her own time will work out. I have found that our local Nudist Campground is having it's anual car show next month and since we have a car we show, this might be an opertunity to ease her into the social nudity aspect. Ray
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Country: USA
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bonesrmj
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/05/2011 : 8:05:17 PM
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Good point! I hadn't tought of it that way. I guess I'll let nature take it's course. Thanks for the reply
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Country: USA
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tanmehide
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/06/2011 : 5:47:06 PM
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Does the campground require nudity or could you show yours without joining in the fun, as was apparently the case at the one MrsAZ mentioned? It could help to be around people who are comfortable nude without having to be one right away, especially if you are exhibiting your car.
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Country: USA
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bonesrmj
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/08/2011 : 06:48:46 AM
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No nudity is required to show your car. From what i"m told, most of the cars are from non nudists owners. Now I don't know if I should brach the idea to her or not. Confused Ray
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Country: USA
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bonesrmj
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/09/2011 : 06:52:56 AM
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I certianly want it to be positive, so I guess I'll wait until shes more comfortable. Thanks for the advise Ray
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Edited by - bonesrmj on 08/09/2011 06:55:12 AM |
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Country: USA
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sunflower
Forum Member
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Posted - 08/10/2011 : 11:39:50 AM
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Not sure if you get the tv programe by Gok Wan in the USA but it is entitled īfeeling good nakedī if you do get it over there might be a good idea to get your wife to view it.
Me I am naked most of the time either at home or in a social setting with other naturists, just doesnīt faze me at all, even with people I donīt know.
Canīt even remember when I first became a naturist its that long ago, just always seemed to be that way.
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Country: Portugal
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Bill Bowser
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/06/2011 : 01:16:01 AM
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Some form of this topic appears frequently here and on other nudist forums. It is a serious problem for men whose wife's or girlfriends are reluctant to accompany them when they visit a nude venue. Many clubs and nude cruises accept only couples, and perhaps single women, which are pretty scarce, which prevent single men like me from participating. Undoubtedly women's reluctance to remove their clothes in public is based on many factors, but I think to some degree it might be part of their nature.
About five years ago I performed a little research on the Internet on why people in warm climate started to wear clothes. Of course I knew that no one actually knew for sure why this happened, but I figured those who studied these things would have some interesting ideas on the subject. I was somewhat surprised to learn that it was generally believed the the earliest reason to wear some form of clothing (ignoring clothing required for protection from the weather) was for decoration. I found this quite interesting, but subsequently I didn't give it much conscious thought. I guess my subconscious continued to ponder that idea and led me to this theory.
Both women and men utilize many ways to decorate their bodies. Women style and color their hair, they apply various sorts of makeup to their faces they polish their finger and toe nails, they wear jewelry in their hair, attached to their ears, on their fingers, toes, arms, legs, neck, and around their waist, and in the case of piercings they have jewelry attached at various other parts of their body. Of course there are also tattoos too. Then there is clothing to further adorn the body, which also provides additional places to attach more jewelry. This includes hats and shoes too.
Women seem to find it very difficult to be seen in public with their decorations. Even those women who do appear nude in public will have their hair styled and colored, their makeup on, their jewelry on and their nails painted. I think it is a part of their nature to adorn themselves before being seen in public which is very difficult for them to overcome.
Many men do many of the same types of things to decorate their bodies as women, but generally speaking it is more important to women.
If the original purpose for wearing clothes actually was for decoration, I bet it was a woman's idea.
Bill Bowser - Cincinnati
Nudists are everywhere, but they're hard to identify with their clothes on.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 345 |
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Nudony
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/06/2011 : 9:48:10 PM
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quote:
If the original purpose for wearing clothes actually was for decoration, I bet it was a woman's idea.
Interesting point. Let's look at the Kalapalo "fashion" style:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4WZkBRctAQc/TTrFuQ0SdHI/AAAAAAAAATQ/TtHeb2yiezU/s1600/Kalapalo.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F8bD5PR1as8/Tli_oS42LRI/AAAAAAAABy4/afg6VL0wNfs/s1600/Kalapalo.jpg
Now...in their world, these women are fully adorned and ready to go "hang out." In our world, they are just completely naked women. It's not much of a stretch to see how over continents and millenia, the above fashion has turned into this:
http://www.123-hairstyles.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2011-trendy-hairstyles-for-women-4.jpg
The idea is exactly the same. Hair done, make-up, accessories...
But did women really "evolve" that way on their own? I don't think so. I think men played a major role in determining what would "look good" on women. Based on their personal preference. It wasn't a woman who came up with the bra. It wasn't a woman that came up with the bikini. Perhaps one of the great ironies in nudism is that after centuries of dressing women up, we are now trying to get them to undress...out in the open. It's no wonder is such a dilemma.
quote:
[/i]Undoubtedly women's reluctance to remove their clothes in public is based on many factors, but I think to some degree it might be part of their nature..
I have had the opportunity to talk to many women about nudity as well as observe personal approaches on the matter. And what I have found has, at times, really surprised me.
We know women are nurturers. And I have found that when nudity is directly linked to their role as a nurturer, even non-nudist women can very easily embrace nudity. I have seen it in Europe, which is very tolerant of public breastfeeding; women unhesitantly lifting or removing their shirt to breastfeed - sometimes in very public places. A poll was taken some time ago, asking women about nudity at home. An overwhelming number of women responded that they were routinely nude around their kid(s), generally 8 and below. A few non-nudist friends of mine reported the same thing: being nude around/with their child was somehow fulfilling to them. One friend like to be nude or topfree when she breastfed her child. Another good friend even asked me for home-nudism "how-to" tips; because she really liked the idea of interacting and spending time nude with her son.
This gave me the idea that at some level, women do enjoy being nude and have an appreciation for nude interaction.
So if that is the case, how come there aren't more nudist women? My theory is that if nudism doesn't fulfill some level of nurture/bonding, most women just see nudism as being "out there and naked." I witnessed something interesting with my X, many moons ago. At the resort, which we had visited several times, she was the typical: "I don't really want to get naked"; "I'm only here because my husband asked to"; "I'm sitting here and I'm not moving" reluctant spouse. Then, on one occasion, we went to a non-landed club, where the women where in "bonding-mode", laughing and cooking nude in the kitchen. I've told this story before: somehow, the "kitchen-bonding" amongst these women not only caused my wife to kick her sarong and cook nude with the rest of the ladies; but also to volunteer coming out, setting the table and handling refills - completely nude and completely happy about it. It took me a while to understand the sudden "conversion"; but now I understand that that particular set of circumstances triggered a "nurturing" reaction, where nudity suddenly became very appropriate in her mind. Likewise, at the resort, when my wife found herself interacting with kids or good friends, she had a distinctively more proactive and interactive approach towards being nude. The closer she felt to the people around her, the more she forgot about wearing clothes.
So I think; in general, women are not adverse to nudity inherently. I think that under some cicumstances, it actually IS in their nature to be nude - the circumstances being bonding/nurture. At least that's my observation.
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Edited by - Nudony on 10/06/2011 11:27:17 PM |
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wishwarm
New Member
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Posted - 10/07/2011 : 6:39:13 PM
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My dear wife tolerates my nudity with no problem, but simply cannot bring herself to join in. We have visited a nude beach in Hawaii, which led to her being terribly anxious and uncomfortable. Maybe it's brainwashing and cultural conditioning, but I don't know how to combat that other than loving her as she is and hoping one day she might love herself as much. Thoughts?
D in Upstate
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nudesunguy
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Posted - 10/07/2011 : 9:28:30 PM
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Women dislike nudity because they love to shop for clothes so much. Kidding!
Very astute post, nudony. I know my wife got more comfortable with nudity when our kids grew up and we finally made friends with other nudist couples at the resorts/beaches. Of course we later discovered that some of these friends were swingers, and that cooled her enthusiasm a bit. I do have to say that if we go to a beach or resort and there is even one creepy guy, or situation (she's gained some weight), she immediately regresses. I refer to her as a fair weather nudist; I'm always looking for an excuse to take my clothes off, she's always looking for a reason to put them on. But to get back to the original topic, one of the best ways is for your wife to meet a relaxed nudist woman she truly enjoys being with. It's all about her feeling comfortable. I've posted this elsewhere, but going to another state or country sometimes works. Something about being among strangers (and having no fear of being "discovered" by people you know) helps release the inhibitions. Wine doesn't hurt either.
Wishwarm, I'm not sure what to say about your situation. I assume you were at Little Beach on Maui? I cannot understand how such an amazing, natural environment could make anyone feel "terribly anxious and uncomfortable." Not to sound callous, but does she have some body image problems or psychological issues?
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How do I get my wife interested?
